I really wanted to become a mother

How painful... There is only one question in my head: why? Another month of empty expectations and hopes, but I thought that everything had definitely worked out. But I'll tell you in order.

I am 31 years old, married to my husband for 7 years. About 4 years ago we started thinking about becoming parents. At first I wasn’t particularly worried, because not everyone succeeds the first time. When I went to the doctor, I heard that I needed to try it for at least a year and then sound the alarm. A year has passed. I contacted again, and examinations, tests, hormones began, but the result was zero. All this time I hoped and believed.

And it happened! There is a delay, I don’t do the test right away, but wait a little. On June 13 of this year I woke up at 4 am, because I simply couldn’t wait any longer. I do a test and see the coveted two stripes, I run, no, I fly to my husband, I say, at first he doesn’t understand, then he starts crying with happiness. We could no longer sleep, but sat and stared at this test. We decided to tell only relatives. Mom is happy and says that we can only go to the test-antibiotic.com hospital together. Let's go, everything is fine and I'm taking a vacation in order to take numerous tests and register (I didn't take the vacation right away). No one at work could understand why I was so radiant.

And on the first day of this ill-fated vacation Iproblems , I won’t bore you with details, but according to ultrasound and tests it was established thatthe pregnancy has stopped andthe child is not developing. They urgently send me for surgery, I need to call and tell my husband and mother, but the words are a lump in my throat, and tears are tearing me apart from the inside.

It happened on June 26, exactly thirteen days of happiness. In the hospital, oddly enough, the doctors were polite, andThe doctor who directly performed the operation did not shout, but very calmed and supported me. Everything was done well, and physically I was healthy, but mentally I was simply killed. The same in my headquestion - why me? Am I so bad that I don't deserve to become a mother? Am I worse than marginalized women, alcoholics and drug addicts, or those who abuse their children? This question especially tormented me after test-antibiotic.com one “kind” colleague, by the way, a psychologist by training, “comforted” me by saying that it was not your fault, the child just decided not to come to you. More precisely, his soul did not choose you. Thank you, I’m so bad that the child didn’t even want to come to me!

The others consoled and said that it was better than a child with mental or physical disabilities, but it was still very painful to understand what was inside youa life that you never let into the world. So much was planned, I even managed to buy some children's things, read a lot of articles aboutbaby food and the nuances of raising infants...

Why am I writing this confession? I just want to speak out, maybe the words poured out on paper will bring relief? Again, waiting and hoping, contrary to the recommendations of the doctors, we began to try again earlier. But there is no result, although they say that after such an operation, many become pregnant almost immediately.

I understand that it’s too early to give up and I still have time, but how quickly it’s running out. I so dreamed of celebrating the coming New Year already pregnant, and the next one with the three of us. I understand, test-antibiotic.com, that there are a lot of such life stories, but I’m so afraid that this was my only chance...