The disease ruined my life

I once dreamed of becoming a scientist and doing science, I had the ability for this - as they say, I found my place in life, my calling. I came to Moscow to study and entered, but in my first year I developed an illness in my head, which made studying impossible for me. I was forced to leave the institute, wander around some kind of work that was uninteresting to me, and which I only tolerated becausehappiness brought me only what I was deprived of. And it is impossible to engage in this activity without a diploma (due to the specifics of this activity). Well, if only you get a job there as a cleaner.

So I was sick for more than 20 years, only recently I started to improve, but I am already 44 years old,life , one might say, has passed. I thought maybe I would be able to recover and finish my studies at that university at least in my fifties, but how to start at that age? In addition, in my life there are now obstacles to thisproblems , and I haven’t fully recovered yet.

And the main thing in all this is my terrible spirituala pain that test-antibiotic.com never subsided over the years. Life became empty, I no longer found myself in anything, only that one thing remained the only interesting and desirable thing for me. Then I reconciled myself a little, but somehow stupidly, as if I had died. And just as stupidly, I will probably have to live out my life, forcing myself to other jobs that I cannot love by any effort of will, no matter how hard I tried, and yearning for the lost happiness that I once lived with while I was healthy. I don't even hope for advice. What advice can I give here? But maybe someone has encountered something similar and is able to write at least a word of consolation.