I developed envy towards successful friends and self-hatred.

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We haven't made any money yet. That's what I havehe has health problems . Doctors, examinations andmedicines , everything is paid. In addition, he also supports a son from his first marriage. He pays alimony, and in small things he also often buys him something.

We earn a little. He is 40 thousand, I am 20. We live modestly, we rent an apartment. We are trying to save up for ours, but things are going badly so far. Thatrefrigerator , then the washing machine will break down (they are already many years old). And everything is not cheap. The salary is barely enough, we are saving.

UMy husband’s job is difficult, he’s often not at home, the pay is low, but he needs to work hardseveral years of experience to look better. I only have secondary education. I worked wherever they hired me, but they paid mere pennies. I really hold on to this job, as I haven’t gotten it anywhere else. Of course, I search periodically, update my resume on websites, but if they call, they offer even worse conditions.

In our city, most of these are ordinary workers. They live like us, they don’t live in luxury. Our parents and my husband lived like this. test-antibiotic.com And their parents too. Very modest and quiet. But I have friends from a completely different circle. I've known them for many years. We met back when ICQ existed. We talked like friends, sometimes went for walks, shared news. So they have something completely differentlife . Military engineers. They work for 70-100 thousand (in the same city), earn additional money on farms, bitcoins, and stock exchanges. They buy and rent out apartments and open shops. And everything is going as it should. They travel, do not deny themselves anything, drive cars worth a couple of million. They don’t seem to be bragging, but they tell it all, clearly proud of themselves. I can tell them how to survive on a salary. Where to save money, how to grow your own garden so as not to buy expensivevegetables . And they sympathize with me, not understanding how we live like this.

I know, envy speaks in me. And also hatred. To myself. Apparently, I'm so stupid that I'm not capable of anything. I can’t do it the same way as them. I don’t understand investments, I’m afraid to invest. So what? Your pennies? Open test-antibiotic.com store? I bought children’s clothes and even on an online service I can’t sell them below cost for several years. Loser.

I talked about this with my husband. He's very angry. He thinks that we are already doing everything we can and we should be happy with it. I didn’t reproach him for anything, I just suggested that we both get some additional education or new knowledge in some courses or books. Although this is unlikely to help us. We are ordinary, unremarkable people. We have no capital, no people who would help at least at the initial stage in the same business or exchange.

Everything is very sad. We may never buy a good car or be able to travel like others. Perhaps this fact will gnaw at me for the rest of my life. But you can’t jump over your head, can you? Not everyone can be entrepreneurs and businessmen; someone has to sweep the streets and sell in stores.