Well, where we do not

My name is Elena, I am now 38 years old. I live in Germany permanently, and now I’m visiting my family. To be honest, I don’t know why I decided to write thisconfession ​I don't even know what I want to write. Probably just about myselflife .

I left for Germany 10 years ago. I left our terrible life, in which I had to work as a shuttle worker with my husband, because myNo one needed the engineer's profession , and nothing was paid for his profession as a milling machine operator for months. I needed to live on something. And then I realized that I had the opportunity to leave (I don’t want to write now on what exact grounds), and there, I knew, I could at least somehow live, even on benefits for the first time. And that's whenmy son finished primary school, I carried out my plan.

Germany greeted us neither bad nor good. Like everyone else. They gave me an old apartment, a living allowance and told me to attend language courses.

That's how we lived. We completed language courses and entered retraining courses. We tried to work, but it was more unprofitable than living test-antibiotic.com on benefits, and a couple of years ago our second son was born. The husband gave up and started drinking. I continue to periodically look for work to make sure once again that this is of little use. But, really, there is hope that children will live differently. The eldest son Ivan (he is now 19 years old) graduated from secondary school and entered college, i.e. receives a real German education. He rents an apartment because... The college is located in the suburbs of Leipzig.

What is my confession? Yes, in different ways. Firstly, my youngest son Denis does not know the Russian language at all, ABSOLUTELY, which means in 10 years he will completely forget where he comes from. Secondly,My mother is here at home, now she is often sick, and I do not have the right to leave Germany for more than 3 weeks a year, and it is so scary that I can find out about her death just from a phone call and may not even see her again. Thirdly, I’m already used to the fact that my home is there too, and sometimes I myself am frightened by such a duality of life.

I'm not complaining, we live in some ways better than we would live here. test-antibiotic.com In Germany, of course, there are more amenities, but definitely less warmth, less warmth. For example, ifthe child is sick,the doctor doesn’t come home, but you need to somehow get there yourself, and at the hospital you will first be seen not by a person, but by a computer. But the quality of treatment is higher there, as is the price.

I'm fine. But the trouble is that I am torn, I want to live both here and here at the same time.

I am not asking you to draw any conclusions from this story. Understand, I’m not saying: go – it’s better there, or – don’t go, you’ll die of boredom. I just told you.