I'm ashamed of my love

I'm writing anonymouslyconfession , because I can’t tell my story to anyone else, only to you, only to those who don’t know me.

Mom gotman . An adult man, her age. As you yourself understand, usuallygirls my age (I'm 19) don't fall in love with people like that. And for me, my feelings came as a shock, moreover, they plunged me into horror, which is why I am writing here. I don't know what to do.

It all started gradually. At first I was careful with Ivan, I looked closely at him, because I was worried about my mother and did not want her heart to be broken. It would be better if he turned out to be bad. So at least I would hate him, be angry, be jealous. But it turned out to be completely positive in all respects: beautiful, sporty, modern, and affordable. He goes with me to the gym, and then with my mother to the theater, the next day we both go shopping, a week later with my friends to a rap concert. In general, the personality is as versatile as possible, and this is shocking and pleasant.

At first I was happy with my feelings, because I mistook them for my daughter’s feelings towards her father. I never had a real father, he abandoned my mother and me a long time ago, and here is such an example. But then I started to notice how I was drawn to his touch. That in the evenings when we watch TV,Mom sits on one side, and I sit on the other, and he hugs both of us. And I’m not captivated by the film, but by its warmth, its smell, the way his breath passes through my hair when he laughs at some scene. I listen to him with my mouth open. I ask his advice on every issue, but the worst thing is that I can’t sleep at night, I think about him. I’m jealous, imagining what could be happening behind the wall with my mother. I’m annoyed because this is my mother, she loves him, and he loves her. And I have no right to these vulgar and terrible thoughts, especially since my mother found her feminine side for the first time in many years.happiness .

A couple of weeks ago I told my mom that I wanted to move out. Like, it’s time for me to become an adult, and I don’t want to embarrass them. She screamed, cried, said, test-antibiotic.com that I was still young, that it was too early for me to move out, that when a boy appeared, with whom I wanted to build a family, then I would move out. Ivan supported her.

I feel worse every day. I don’t eat, I don’t sleep well. I try to get home as late as possible so as not to run into him, but nothing helps.