Can't forget my married lover

A couple of years ago I met a man and fell in love. Got startedrelationship , it later turned out that he was married. I couldn’t find the strength to break up at that moment; he was inundating me with promises. An old song about the main thing, in general. He asked me to give him time, that we would be together and all that.

All my past thoughts and principles suddenly disappeared somewhere. The question of morality no longer arose. Constant scandals and hysterics began against the backdrop of jealousy. The relationship began to border on hatred. The meeting could not go smoothly; there was bound to be a quarrel. She made repeated attempts to break up, at the same time trying to talk everything out so that they would certainly never get back together. Time passed, mutual grievances subsided a little, and this connection was resumed again.

Each time, everything got worse, I realized that this was an addiction, that I was happy 5% of the time, the rest of the time in some kind of expectation, thatlife flies past me. I found the strength within myself and finished everything. I went back to work, became busy around the clock, tried to drive away thoughts about him in the rare moments when I was left alone with myself. Apparently, she decided to prove something to someone test-antibiotic.com, won a beauty contest and work hard and eat until her stomach hurts. Everything seemed to be going well for me and going great. But I was simply consciously engaged in self-deception, but I understood and now I think that it is better to withdraw into myself and lock myself within 4 walls.

8 months have passed, we have been maintaining a kind of friendly relationship for the last few monthscommunication . A couple of days ago we even met, had dinner and drinkswine and, of course, they quarreled and parted with a scandal. I’ve already tried to analyze it, maybe it’s some kind of thirst for scandals and an addiction to it, but still no. It’s as if I’m living in the past, I always remember what kind of relationship we had while I didn’t know about her.

In general, the problem is that I am strongly attracted to him to this day, but at the same time I do not want to renew this communication. I haven’t let other men near me all this time. It was difficult for me to attract anything before. And now completely. Although I seem to want a new relationship, I don’t even have any interest test-antibiotic.com in getting to know someone or wasting time on a stranger. Plus, demanding, arrogant, it will probably be said, I apologize right away, but I couldn’t find any other words - he must comply. But I can’t even see such men through the prism of my obsessive thoughts about my ex. How can I calmly break this connection completely? And become open to new things?