Unbearable desire to have a second child

For the first time, I became a mother early - at the age of 21. Since then, I went from a full-time student to a qualified specialist in a state-owned company. The profession provides opportunities and work to the left. Now my son is 5 years old, in 2 years he will go to school. We live together in a rented kopeck piece, not far from my parents. There were men in my life: the father of a son, then another one was delayed for a long time, and now new ones are developing.relationship . My adult life stood out with difficulties: I got into accidents, crashed a car, had an abortion according to my convictions. I bought an apartment with my mother - I rent it out, settle issues with tenants, help my sister with admission to my university, the life of a small family is on me, I bought a new car.

In the last relationship, I relaxed, and probably the time has come, I want another child and it is from this man. He is a hard worker, I pull him out on the 4th day just to feed him, to let him rest not in the working room, at home. He is a copy of my father, even the hand. Behind him, finally, like behind a wall. But while test-antibiotic.com I am not financially arranged for the baby: I have to wait 2 years - to sell an apartment, buy in my area, make repairs, furniture, accumulate work experience. But I constantly see a baby in a dream, I want a second baby, I want to be pregnant, spend time with children, choose clothes, shoes and prams, meet my son from the garden-school. Sometimes the desire will come over so much that I want to sit down and drink whiskey in order to cry (I rarely cry in life, ifpain is tolerable).

How to survive until 30? To not rush home-work-nursery-school. Sit at home for 2-3 years, be a slut, look at the button on the nose, at the relationship between the son and the baby, again porridge-mashed potatoes and so on. Wrote - but it did not get easier. Starting a conversation about our relationship does not make sense - I must be ready to raise two myself, no matter what happens, and nothing else. There is a man , and then he is not around. How can I get through a couple more years? Whatever you do, in the evening the thought crawls out of the most remote corners of the brain.