When I was a child, I really missed my father.

When I was two years old, my dad passed away voluntarily due to a quarrel with my mother through the neighbors, because they placed their foul-smelling barrels under our windows. The father went to investigate and had an argument with a neighbor. Then he blamed his mother for this, saying that it was her fault that he had a fight. Mom told dad something. He got drunk and went into the barn and that’s where they found him. These neighbors did a lot of harm to us after dad’s death: they poisoned the cat, or they broke something in the fence at night. They know thatThere is no one to protect the mother and child.

At the beginning, they didn’t tell me about my father’s real death. They said that he always helped everyone, said: “relatives need to be helped.” Although hemy brother took my dad’s car and didn’t help us in any way. When I was 6-7 years old, I went to the barn and looked at an old motorcycle and all sorts of hardware. I dreamed that ifFather was alive, we would make something, or go fishing on a boat. He would protect us from our neighbors.

Once after these dreams I dreamed about him test-antibiotic.com. As if it were hot summer, I went to the barn. I see dad lying near the barn, near the boat, I approached him. He moans and cries and tells me: “Let me go, it hurts.” And then I woke up, got up and ran to the boat, but it was just a dream. It hurt me so much, why do everyone have dads, but I don’t. After all, I love him so much, but he’s not there.

When I was about 12 years old, I was told about the real death of my father. I felt so unpleasant, because I loved him so much in absentia. I still don't know whether I love him or hate him. I am already more than 20 years old, and I still have a dream in my memory, as in childhood, to have a dad, even though I love him and hate him so much. I'm ashamed of my thoughts. I think if I weren’t a shy person and found myself a girlfriend, started a family with her, had children, I would be able to protect them. Or am I just like my father?