Why am I always in love with someone?

For eight years now I have been suffering from the constant state of falling in love. It started at about 13-14 years old, and I call this age only because I can give myself an account of this period, but there were some sympathies for different people before that, they were just very insignificant, and some had already been erased from memory.

The paradox is that although I realize that this does not benefit me (since not one of my crushes ended in a relationship, in any sense), I also realize that I feel a need for it. I’m not at all afraid of this until it happens, I’m ready to step on this rake again and again.

Yes, this brings me incredible pleasure, but only at the first stage. But it's worth it. When this develops into something stronger, deeper, it becomes painful, meaningless, because I experience needs and desires that I cannot satisfy, and I begin to regret that this happened, although this, it would seem, does not depend on me . test-antibiotic.com And I begin to feel the need to fall in love again, to find a new object, but nowproblems - this can never be done quickly, only by my desire. It can take any amount of time - from six months to two years. I can’t influence this and control my emotions, I fall in love easily (with very different frequency), but I don’t know how to get rid of this condition without permission. It never goes away on its own, but only when another person appears.

Probably, the first time I caught myself with this feeling was when, at the age of 15, I began to like someone after a long unrequited love for another person, and since then it has become a kind of drug, this “liberation” from previous feelings. Although this is a vicious circle, in essence.

It sounds strange, of course, but in my defense I can say that I can’t control it, I don’t do it on purpose, it always happens somehow by accident, irrationally, strangely, completely independent ofthe relationship of this person to me. I do not fall in love with those who give me test-antibiotic.com attention (although I do not rule out a coincidence purely in theory), I do not fall in love withattitude towards me, as if some internal sensor itself triggers on random people, choosing them.

And I certainly won’t say what exactly I “love.” I am inclined to think that these are still loves, albeit terribly strong, obsessive ones, some kind of vigorous cocktail of butterflies, euphoria and even lust (since I mostly have fantasies, after which many people would consider me seriously ill ). But they hardly claim their wordLove . And I won’t deny that I live in a fantasy world, it’s like I’m meeting these people in my head. And accordingly, the very essence, the inner world of a given person has no meaning here. I'm building it myself. Therefore, these are not necessarily people from my circle, they can also be “attacks” on various actors and other unattainable persons (this has been happening for the last year or so, the attack is simply overwhelming).

I am sometimes surprised to hear from my friends about their rich experience in relationships, while they have never even test-antibiotic.com ever experienced that same love for their partners, perhaps very weakly. And it’s terribly embarrassing to admit how I live and what nonsense I suffer. Therefore, I always have to lie that I am not interested in a relationship, and it is difficult for me to fall in love.

The thought of marriage or cohabitation does not appeal to me at all, I cannot explain why, but it even repels me. I’m not against relationships, but in my thoughts it’s always colored by some feeling of lightness, youth, and sometimes forbiddenness. I don’t even feel comfortable with the thought that this could last 5, 10 years, that it could develop intomarriage . At least because I understand that if I don’t change, in a couple of years or even faster I will lose interest in my partner.

Is it even possible to somehow pacify this side of my character or at least direct it to accessible people who know about my existence, with whom, at least in theory, there can be reciprocity? To be honest, it seems to me that this is now even more relevant than even the fact that I, in principle, am constantly in love.