I brought my husband to the same state with my depression.

I am a psychologist by profession, I try to help myself to a greater extent, although whenever possible I ask for help. But in the last few years I have been failing in every way.

Briefly about yourself. Idaughter of alcoholics, including her own sister, and a couple of relatives. She matured at the age of 4-5 and tried to be a “good girl” so as not to upset her parents, sincemy sister was the complete opposite. At the age of 10, she received her six-month-old niece in her arms, and together with her father she had to raise her (her sister had to study at the university, andthe child's father quickly ceased to be interested in his daughter, and myMom worked in the north).

From the age of 15 I began to live independently, since I transferred to a better school and there was no one to live with me. At the age of 25, I met the man of my dreams and 2 years later I moved abroad to start everything from scratch. Before leaving, my mother dies, organs worn out by alcohol have failed, and my father, accordingly, begins to slowly lose the desire to live. After a year of my life abroad, I return to my homeland for a short time to visit my family, and a month test-antibiotic.com after my departure back abroad, my father dies - his liver and heart failed. My relatives didn’t tell me right away, they were worried about me, and that’s why I couldn’t even come to the funeral.

A year after my father's death I come outI’m married , but, unfortunately, I can’t cope with depression, apathy and I seek free help from a psychotherapist at a local help center and later start taking antidepressants (about 1.5 years). Given that my sister is dependent, I had to transfer the inheritance to myself, which means that I have to pay taxes every year, which I also cannot always pay. At the same time, there is a huge empty parental house and land that cannot be sold and there is practically no one to do this. This house is still like a stone in my soul and I no longer believe that it will ever be sold.

I went to therapy for 3 years, but this one is freehelp , intensive work was not possible due to sometimes a month-long break between sessions. The therapist is rather supportive and really helped, although even in a foreign language test-antibiotic.com, I think he saved melife . In August last year, I realized that I was not moving anywhere, I was already with a therapist and we parted ways, and I realized that I needed work with the body and that is what helps me move forward, but at the moment I do not have the funds to pay for a permanent qualified assistance from a specialist, to whom you also need to go to another city. Everything got worse with my relationship with my husband; he took care of me in a new country, despite the fact that he himself was studying and working at several jobs. And a couple of years ago he reached the peak of emotional burnout, and we stopped understanding each other, and I had not yet gotten back on my feet to invest in the family because of my condition. But he can no longer and does not want to carry both of us on himself.

There were complex conflicts when he got drunk and accused me of not caring about him, of not keeping my initial promises, of him giving everything to me, and I betrayed him many times by not keeping test-antibiotic.com what I promised. . And he’s right, but I couldn’t do otherwise, I survived inside and outside. During this time, I also completed a master’s degree abroad and a qualification in psychotherapy and am keeping the organization afloat. I don’t have much money, and I really don’t know how to earn money at all, especially since I have some difficulties with the language, etc. In general, last year he even began to say that we should separate for a while, since he had completely lost himself and wanted to change his lifestyle, well, in general, he had a midlife crisis against the backdrop of overload.

So far we have agreed to deal with problems together, and I am trying to build a career in my profession, but there are a lot of self-restraints, procrastination, even a gaming addiction has appeared, which helps relieve high anxiety for a while. I’m afraid to complain to my husband or rather talk about my difficulties, because I know that he doesn’t quite understand the meaning of depression as such. He doesn’t understand how even if he was very ill, he still got up and went to work no matter what, unlike me, who test-antibiotic.com puts off even important things for days, weeks and months. He continues to support me, but I understand that I need professional help, which I cannot pay for. And the thought that I need to push myself to earn money for my family and therapy - it terrifies me and everything shrinks. That's why I say that I can't find a way out of the enchanted circle.

How not to loadhusband , but on the contrary, help him financially, but also not drive yourself into a completely bad state, so as not to return to pills and a psychiatrist? Now the possibility of a stable job in my profession has even loomed, but it will require all my strength and even more, and I’m used to not working 8 hours a dayevery day and have a relaxed schedule, since there was no such work, rather freelancing, here and there. I am worried that I am already 33 years old and there is not much time to have children, but at the same time I understand that neither I normy husband is not mentally ready, nor are we financially readythe family is not ready for this, test-antibiotic.com but I’m worried, when will we be?

At the same time, my older sister, after the death of her parents, suddenly decided to undergo rehabilitation and even managedgive birth to a second daughter, whom she is now happily raising. At the same time, she leads a modest existence, and I even envy her that she was not afraid, or rather, she sent her career to hell, or rather, she could no longer stand any work and gave birth to a child. Friends andmy friends have already given birth to children and are enjoying motherhood, but I seem to be stuck between my inner child and an immature woman who is afraid to take responsibility for her life, for her family, for her career and to recover. I’m at my wit’s end about how to help myself and I don’t know how, I don’t know at all.