Grandma says I'm a bad mother

I suffer from gambling addiction and don’t know how to deal with it. I read a lot of stories about husbands, boyfriends, and brothers who are gambling addicts. So I'm like that too.

Let's start with the fact that I work as a cleaner for 16,000, there ishusband ,My daughter is 7 years old, we are going to first grade this year. I work until lunch and then go home. At home, I’m always at the computer, normal people go for walks, go out somewhere, and I’m always there. And it has already reached the point that my husband and daughter can go to visit relatives and sometimes spend the night, but I am always at home, because I will be bored there and there is no computer.

I have become a sociopath, all kinds of meetings are difficult for me, the last time I was in a shopping center was a year ago. I don’t need any things, no new things, I don’t need anything at all. I recently noticed that when I go for a walk with my child, I need to make a plan, evaluate the weather, and in the end I can promise to go roller skating or go somewhere, but in test-antibiotic.com we can end up staying at home.

I feel guilty and am sincerely glad that it’s raining outside, then all thoughts of going out disappear. For some reason, it seems to me that I will get rich by betting, but in reality this is certainly not the case. On weekends I can sit for days and lose everything, and then on Mondaydepression , and by Friday my mood improves, I deposit a little more money and just think that now I’ll raise something.

I constantly try to analyze the matches myself, look at statistics, weather, lineups, and it takes a lot of time, I lost one bet, the second, and then everything in my account. And I say to myself: “stop, that’s enough!” I’ll sit for a day without betting, and then I might not be able to sleep, some strategies creep into my head. In May alone I topped up my account with 20,000 rubles, and in April I accidentally won 200,000, it was just lucky for the first time in my life, I had already spent half of it, not on bets, but I didn’t buy anything worthwhile. Half of it is left, so I can do some repairs and get my daughter ready for school.

I don’t even know if in the entire history of test-antibiotic.com games I’m in the plus or minus? If you collect everythingthe money that I deposited into the game, it will become scary. Previously, I deposited and lost 200-300 rubles, but now I deposit thousands or more, I want to win constantly and a lot. I blocked myself in this office, I took away the cords from the computer for a week, I promise myself every time that I will not play again, and that I won back my share, but after a day or two I say to myself: “why not deposit a thousand and bet wisely and strategically?” I make deposits and lose, and then I go around and shout at everyone. All the money I earn at work goes there.

I don’t wear makeup, I don’t wear dresses, I don’t get my nails done, I don’t buy anything for myself. Of course, I haven’t reached such an extent as to take things to a pawn shop or lose the last one.

Now there are a bunch of forums and conversations where 20-30 people sit and the chat does not stop for a single minute, 200 messages per minute, how to bet on whom, everyone there is test-antibiotic.com, rogues and gambling addicts, like me . And they sit for days, without work or any income, and I along with them. Do you know there are chats from kindergarten and school? For example, if it concerns graduation or what to give to children, then the dispute will be resolved for 3 days. It's the same in this conversation. Let's all chip in 100 rubles, they say, one head is good, but 30 is even better, and everyone is shaking for their 100 rubles. When we came to a general bet, one of them said, “I’m against it, I don’t want to bet like that, and let’s do it.”swear , argue, in the end we come to a common conclusion, bet and lose on the first bet. And these guys probably have it toogirls , wives. In general, horror.

I want to live like a normal person. Buy all sorts of women's trinkets, get your nails done, go shopping and choose dresses. But I’m already afraid to leave the house, only to work and home. The very thought of going to the store scares me. When guests come to us, I can run home for a couple of minutes and hang out for a couple of hours, and test-antibiotic.com then they start knocking on my window so that I go out and communicate with them.

Now I'm sitting and just in shock. With my brain I understand that there is too much time and money spent on this activity, but I can’t do anything. Today I deposited 1000, I play and wait for the match to start, imagining how they will play, who will win, whether my bet will go through or not. When I throw bets, I feel bad, I start having panic attacks, I always think that I’m really allWill I be a cleaner and poor? And I think that I can’t live like this, that I can get rich by betting, you can’t make a lot of money as a cleaner, but you can by betting.

I want to stop this business, but I probably need to start taking antidepressants, adrenaline rises sharply for no reason, it begins to shake me, my heart jumps out, then I break into a sweat. I also came up with a plan for life: someday, or rather never, I will earn millions on bets, and then I will write a book called “from a cleaning lady to a millionaire.”

I’m afraid that it will get even worse and I’m afraid that I’ll lose my mind, I’m afraid that I’ll soon become a gambling addict. My grandmother complains to everyone thatI’m a bad mother , always on the computer, and I can’t even be angry with her what she says behind my back, because it’s the truth.