The pain doesn't go away

I am 37 years old, my husband and I have been together for 11 years. Our son is 10 years old, our husband is 52 years old. The first three years with my husband were very difficult, he was married twice before me, he had a very difficult character, it was difficult, but there were very strong feelings, and somehow I wanted to build a family.

When my first child was 4 years old, I became pregnant with my second. This was unexpected, my husband and I did not plan a second child, but we never denied the possibility. This period of life was difficult, we fought often, andMy husband said that he doesn’t want a second child, he said that if you leave me, then I’m not responsible for myself and then I’ll do whatever I want.

I was on maternity leave and completely dependent on him then. Fearing that I couldn’t cope on my own, I decided to have an abortion. I left the hospital twice, I thought about leaving everything, but seeing his coldness, I still came a third time. After that, he changed a lot, became gentle, tried to please in everything, to make amends. But something broke in me, psychologically I became test-antibiotic.com just a different person. I cried all my tears, my thyroid went down, I couldn’tI’m sorry that I didn’t leave that baby, I really regret that there was no person who would have supported me at that moment. Having told my mother about this, I also heard indifference, like, I’m already old, and you can’t handle it alone. In general, I blame myself anyway, it’s all my fault.

Many years have passed, but I still can’t come to terms with it. My attitude towards my husband has become much worse, even to the point of some kind of aggression, we constantly quarrel with him and mainly from me. I didn’t see the good in him, I constantly remember his words: “I don’t need him,” “I don’t care what gender he is.” I have a hard time looking at families with two or three children, constantlyI feel pain . I wrote to just vent, thank you for reading mineconfession _