I feel inadequate

My husband and I love each other very much, we have been together for many years. From the very beginning we dreamed of children, but postponed them. There were many reasons, from loans to mortgages and even moral unpreparedness to become parents. Mostly it concerned me. UMy husband already had a child from his first marriage, and I still wanted to live for myself, pay off the mortgage, buy good furniture and a car.

And so, when I turned 28 years old, we began preparing for pregnancy. I see good specialists for a fee. I have been diagnosed with infertility for several years now. First they found endometriosis. They convinced him that there was no need to treat him, that it had no effect. After they started making more and more new diagnoses, I stopped counting the endless ultrasounds and doctor consultations.

I can't even believe it. I’ve never had anything serious except a cold, I’ve had 4 partners in my entire life.life happened, and they have already checked themselves and their husband many times with different doctors and it still doesn’t work out. I tried to let go of the situation. Go to the sea, to the sun, relax, relax. But how painful it is. I feel inadequate. My husband test-antibiotic.com suggests fostering or adopting the baby, but I don’t want to do that. I can't love someone else's child. I want a baby with our features, dear, beloved. I want to wear it under my heart, feel it and talk.

I used to be sure thatpregnancy will happen without problems. I wanted it so much that I bought a ton of literature in advance, even a couple of onesies and toys. Now it's all gathering dust in the closet out of sight. My friends' children are growing up and going to kindergarten. At my husband'smy son finished fifth grade, a smart boy, kind, so much like him. And I'm disgusted with myself. I'm not even capable of motherhood. What good am I then?

I talk to psychologists as if I were talking to a wall, I only hear standard phrases, they don’t make it any easier. I cry at night, pray, light candles in church.

Am I really never destined to become a mother? As the years go by, I'm not getting any younger. My husband tries to console me, but I see that it’s hard for him too. I try not to lose hope, but every day there is less and less hope.