Confession of a girl living with a domestic tyrant

I am 21 years old, I live with a guy who is very unstable and lacks self-confidence. I work as a florist and this is probably the only joy in my life. I work alone, because... mythe guy can't find a job and constantly says thatlife is unfair to him and everything around him is against him. I feel very sorry for him, because... He has no one and nothing except me, and he is almost 30.

When playing his favorite online game, when he loses, he almost always wishes that all the players’ mothers would die of cancer. At first I was shocked by these phrases, I had hysterics about his statements about my parents, then I got used to it. Phrases like “let you die” were also often thrown at me. He sincerely believes that I deserve this to myselfattitude .

Then he stopped restraining himself altogether and started pulling my hair, choking me and beating me. And in the morning he tearfully asked himforgive and assured that this will not happen again.

I began to recover from the fact that I lead a sedentary lifestyle, full of stress: work, test-antibiotic.com home, his whining mockery, then almost forcedsex . I haven’t wanted him for a long time, but I can’t refuse him, because... he immediately goes for a drink and starts making me hysterical. For example, when I fall asleep, he can jump onto the bed with all his might, so that my heart almost stops with fear when I'm asleep. He constantly says that I am very good, because... I don’t abandon him in difficult times, “like others.”

Before me, he lived with a rich girl who provided all his desires. I fought him off, and now it turns out he will be left with nothing because of me if I leave.

I have come to terms with all this, but myMom sounds the alarm and tries to reason with me. When I am once again about to leave him, he says that there is no need to run away from difficulties. I myself became interested: maybe this is family adult life?

I understand that I have practically stopped living, but I seem to exist, making ends meet. I don't have onegirlfriends , he also has no friends. I kind of want to change everything, test-antibiotic.com but I just want to, I don’t do anything for it, because... I'm afraid and my hands have already given up. I can't move. It seems to me that everything is as it should be.

And I don't see my future. I live in a big city not far from my native village. The dirty gray city is drawing me in. It seems like this is how life will go. There’s not enough money for anything, except for food and rent, I’m already silent about fashionable clothes or perfume.

I’m writing in haste, I wanted to talk it out and confess. It seems that I haven’t written even half of what bothers me, but this way I can write a book - who would read that...