Confessions of a complex girl

I am 23 years old. I have a completely normal weight: 55 kg for a height of 175. It seems pretty, but I don’t like a lot about myself. I have some kind of incomprehensible addiction to food and I can not control myself. At first, I really want to eat something (and in abnormally large quantities), and then I feel very bad and ashamed of the fact that I eat so much and I'm afraid to get fat. Then I go to the toilet and try to get rid of what I have eaten. After a fairly short time, I am again drawn to the refrigerator (and, in fact, there is no hunger as such). I began to study all sorts of articles and everything says that this is bulimia.

Is it so? And how to deal with it? This has been going on since childhood, and because of this, I have seriousdigestive problems . Yes, and the psyche is seriously suffering due to eternal remorse. I think that the root of evil is the attitude of those around me in childhood.

To begin with, as a child I was a very kind, trusting and sunny child. Now I don’t trust anyone and test-antibiotic.com is forever depressed, although I know how to hide it.

I didn’t go to the garden (I don’t know why), my grandmother worked with me. The sisters were older and always kicked me out. Mom was always busy, and my father often drank and arranged "concerts". I loved my father very much and begged himstop drinking , he promised everything, promised, promised ... Over time, I began to hate him. But then, when I was 11, we just ran away from him.

Firstgirlfriend , who I had in the first grade, seriously let me down. Almost all the time in my childhood I spent with all sorts of little animals (because we lived in the village and had a farm). I love animals very much, in my opinion, they are better than many people.

From the first grades and up to the technical school (19 years old), I could not jointhe team was an outcast, from which she studied poorly. Only in the 2nd or 3rd year I somehow learned to find a common language with my peers, improved my grades, received a red diploma. I had a girlfriend only at the age of 18. Now, unfortunately, we do not communicate.

At the moment I work at test-antibiotic.com, I really like both the scope of my duties and the team. And everything would be fine, but my boyfriend has constant failures at work and as a result I have been paying for the apartment myself for 9 months (almost all 9 months), etc. and in fact, I can buy almost nothing for myself and I am in debt. I still hope for something, I believe that everything will be fine.

I love my sisters and my mother very much, but for some reason I don’t miss them. I haven’t seen them for 2 years (I live in another city) and I don’t even miss them at all. I just call sometimes. And in general, I never missed anyone. It's probably not normal.

And on top of all that,The guy doesn't trust me at all. We almost never go anywhere, we never go anywhere together, and he doesn’t want to let me go alone. I tried to part with him for 4 cuts, but every time he manages to keep me, he persuades me, and I give up. In fact, I want to be with him, I really want to, but it's just unbearable to live like this. test-antibiotic.com I've always had trouble sleeping, but now I can't sleep at all without it, I don't even know why. He worked 2 days a night and I have not slept for 2 days. I want to sleep, but I can't sleep. I remember every rustle at night.

Here is the one I haveconfession . I understand that I wrote a lot of problems at once, I apologize. I don’t even know why I wrote it, because you can hardly help me with advice.