How can I understand and forgive my daughter?

I do not know what to do. My hatred for my daughter is about one and a half years old. My daughter is 18 years old.

I loved her like no one else in this world, to tears, to pain, to screams, she was the meaning of my life, everything was always delicious, beautiful, she was never deprived of kisses and affection. There were no secrets between us, and I told everyone how lucky I was to have my daughter. We divorced her father in 2008, there were no nannies, she raised her alone, she was never a burden for me, as iflife did not bend. In 2013, I gave birth to my second child, a son, also desired andbeloved baby, now he is 3 years old. I broke up with his father when I was 3 months pregnant, for good reasons. It was very difficult for us, lack of money on maternity leave, no one to help, sleepless nights, hassle on the part of the father of the youngest child, lawsuits for the baby in order to take revenge. But we all survived. And, it would seem, living is not a burden, but... Last winter, my grandmother, who was my mother (biologicalthe mother is alive, but test-antibiotic.com there is almost no relationship). I had a hard time with it. She baptized the children and began to visit the Temple. The daughter began to actively participate in parish life.

And here everyone is kind to herthe relationship disappeared like smoke, I didn’t recognize her. She became rude, a stranger, began to say nasty things about me to people and the priest, complaining that we were in need, although we always had everything we needed (even though they weren’t showing off). But sometimes it’s useful to go through difficulties, not everyone is living a sweet life, this is temporary, now everything is fine in material terms. One incident finally finished me off. My daughter asked to go out with a girl with whom she had never spoken before and about whom I do not have a very good opinion. I was against it. The daughter didn’t listen and went. I dialed her phone and asked if I mean something to you, come back, I went out to the loggia (1st floor). As a result, this girlfriend mocked me, humiliated me, twisted her finger at my temple, and mythe daughter stood and smiled. So they left together.

This was the starting point of my hatred. It hurt me a lot test-antibiotic.com, but I forced myself to tryforgive , and it seemed to me that I succeeded. But it didn't get any better. We became like bad neighbors, parish life replaced her mother and brother, but she did not become any kinder. Like a werewolf - in the Temple there is a saint, at home - the devil. And she has a constant position of victim, she keeps complaining about how hard it is for her to live with her mother. Graduation year 11th grade, plans to go to another city, get 2 higher degrees at once. When I talked to her that she might need to earn extra money, the categorical answer was no, so what? There was all sorts of yelling, hysterics, fights. And the baby absorbs it all like a sponge. Several times I decided that we needed to live separately, she lived with her grandfather (this is myfather with whom mymy mother has been divorced since I was 3 years old), then she asked for forgiveness, she returned and everything started all over again. No help from the mother, the excuse: “I need to go to the Temple.” At the moment, I put her out again, and she lives with her grandfather, who, like my mother, test-antibiotic.com cannot stand me since childhood, and I don’t even understand why my parents gave birth to me. I don’t wish them harm, but their dislike eats away at the soul like acid.

We live in a small closed city with access control. I began to catch myself being annoyed by her voice, figure, and movements. I don’t wish her death, on the contrary, I only want good, but living with her is very difficult morally and there are a lot of grievances. Of course, I need to forgive, I know, only her every one is mineforgiveness dampens even more. Now we don't communicate at all. And mine is hugea wound in the soul. It’s a pity that everything turned out this way, I tried everything, both good and not so good, and I’m praying. But she kills everything that remains of love for her. Although I know that if she changed and asked for forgiveness, I would meet her halfway. Excuse me. This is my story.