How to love your ex-husband?

I am writing my story in order to getadvice and put your thoughts in order. I met my ex-husband when I was 14 years old. He is 9 years older. I never loved him, I still don’t understand why I was with him. Maybe he was flattered by the attention of an adult guy, his girlfriends were wildly jealous, plus his interesting company, where he was the leader. She cheated on him and lied constantly. He forgave everything possible. So everything dragged on until at the age of 17 I became pregnant. Got married, bornson .

The first 2 years I seemed to calm down and resign myself. She was a good wife and housewife. But over time, my family life began to oppress me.life , I just went crazy from his appearance, words, touches. He became disgusting to me. There were lovers, betrayals, again constantlies and him againforgiveness . In the end, I left him and lived happily. Great jobmoney , a son who didn't cause any trouble, a smart, obedient boy. Moreover, the formermy husband always spent his time with his son. At any time I could ask test-antibiotic.com to stay with it, and it stayed without any problems.

This is how I lived for 5 happy years. Freedom, money, travel. Until I fell in love, and fell in love hard. And he got on my nerves for 3 years. I endured and forgave, waited and hoped, what I hoped for is not clear. At this time, the ex-husband lives alone, also spends time with his son and sometimes says: “You’ll come to your senses soon.” Waiting for me back. Everything would be fine, but I find out about pregnancy, despite all precautions. How this happened is beyond my comprehension. I didn't plan on having any more children. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I decided that this was a sign from above andthe child must be born. My love , of course, said that he didn’t need children. But if that’s the case, I’ll pay, but I won’t live with you.

My ex-husband picked me up from the maternity hospital. Ready to marry again, adopt a younger son. I asked for time to think. He gave until the New Year. And now there is a month left before making a decision, and I can’t even think about living together. He disgusts me, test-antibiotic.com I hate the way he eats, sleeps, talks, laughs. It’s unpleasant for me when he kisses, even on the cheek, I shudder at the thought of intimacy with him. And he does everything for us, he adores his younger son, who is not his own, he supports us (I don’t have a job now). He is affectionate, kind, thrifty, not picky about food, he does his own laundry and cooks.

It seems to live and be happy. But he makes me feel bad. I can't overcome this feeling of disgust. Now I am alone with two children, who are already a burden to me, with a loving person nearby, but notDarling man . Sometimes it seems like I can't handle it all. The younger one constantly yells and annoys me, the older one demands attention, and I want to hide so that no one touches me. I am alone, there is no help like nannies. There are no parents, no grandmothers, no one except the exthe husband I hate.

I tried to be more tolerant of him, but he is like an irritant, like a lightning rod, I always yell at him, at the children, at the cat. It seems to me that my ex-husband has ruined my whole life, that he is to blame for everything about test-antibiotic.com. He puts pressure on me, wants to live together, get married, wants sex. I promise something, I stall for time, all this depresses me. But I can't live without him. Now the youngest son is only 10 months old. I don’t know when I’ll be able to work. There is no money for a nanny. So I live like this, I take advantage of a person who loves me and this makes it even worse.

He deserves a better life, and I'm only torturing him. What should I do? How to reconcile and accept this kind of life? Marriage and family life are simply torture for me. Maybe I'm selfish, thinking only about myself, but I can't do this anymore. I shouldn't have given birth, I just ruined my whole life. I wouldn’t have given birth, I wouldn’t have had to return to my ex-husband, and now everything, my whole life is down the drain. I don’t know how long I’ll last like this, on nerves, irritated and in tears. Maybe I'm really running away from my own happiness? I don’t know anymore, I don’t know anything anymore.