How to drown out the pain in your soul

I am 24 years old. We have been married for 2 years and we havedaughter , she is 8 months old. She looks very similar to her father. I loved mine very muchhusband . When I was 8 months pregnant, I found out about his cheating. They've been dating for about a month. At that moment I felt sopain , as if they stuck a knife into my heart and twisted it without stopping.

The first thought was to die. I was looking for ways to do this. I still feel this pain. I cried, fainted, had hysterics, and they took me to the hospital in an ambulance. I spent a week there. Fortunately, everything was fine with the child. I am a very calm person, it is very difficult to anger me, but then I was suppressed by pain, resentment, and anger. HeHe came every day and sat next to me for hours.

At first I said it was all over. He broke everything off with herrelationship , requestedforgive for the sake of the child. He said that they met only a couple of times and even when she called in front of me, he sent her. He seemed to care very much about us. I don’t know test-antibiotic.com why, maybe I was afraid of the unknown, being left alone with the child, or maybe at that time I loved him, but I forgave and returned home.

And then it all started. On the same day she called me (hismistress ) and said that she loved him, and he swore his love for her, and that they had been dating for 2 months. And that she is not going to let him go so easily. And he is with me only because I am in this state now (pregnant). Allegedly he is afraid that something terrible might happen to me due to a nervous breakdown. This is how he explained the whole situation to her.

I couldn’t restrain myself, I made scandals for him, and a week later he admitted to me that he loved her like no one else. Had triedforget , but cannot. These words hurt the most.

I don't really remember the next two weeks. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I kept repeating the words: “Why me? Why with me? For what? What will happen to my child? I didn't want to give it to anyone. I wanted to kill her, I even thought of bewitching my husband. test-antibiotic.com He suffered too, I felt it. And in the end I decided to get a divorce - why keep it if I don’t love you. He couldn't leave and leave me in this state. I went to the hospital to give birth, and he came to her with things.

The next day I gave birth and he showed up right away. Supposedly he loves me and our child, he understood everything and doesn’t want to know her at all. And I left everything for later, enjoyed the moment of happiness, didn’t think about anything. We left the maternity hospital, he was with us all this time. He kept asking for forgiveness, spinning and spinning around us, involving our parents, and kept asking me to save the family for the sake of the child. And I forgave again.

But I have no peace again - she calls me with wishes and congratulations and says that she sent him to me, almost kicked him out of the house. I decided to forget about this conversation, as if it never happened, I was tired of everything. It would seem that they lived normally, but again he began to disappear in the evenings. A month later she calls again. This time with test-antibiotic.com screams and tears and the situation is like this, sheI'm already 3 months pregnant . She’s going to have an abortion because he hasn’t answered calls or text messages for a week and basically told her: do what you want, you want toGo to court , have an abortion.

At the beginning (after the birth of the child), he himself called her, asked her not to have an abortion, promised to divorce her, and realized that he could not forget her. But soon he simply disappeared. Of course he's just an asshole. We talked, he said: “I chose you.” And I also decided that I would build my ownlife _ But if we get divorced now, where will I go with the child, for whatmoney we will live. Moreover, I am in my last year. I decided to finish university and when my daughter turns one year old, I’ll go to work and decide what to do next.

This is how we live. My daughter is 8 months old. That woman disappeared from our lives. He takes care of us and loves his daughter very much. Even changed a little. But there is no trust, and love... I don’t even know. But how I want to believe that he not only endures, but I forgive test-antibiotic.com... Sometimes I’m so depressed, I want to send him to hell and try to live without him.