Love on the edge of possibility

I have been living with a man for 15 years, we have two children together, we have never had any special feelings for each other, we have never promised or sworn anything to each other. But we live and live. We each realize ourselves in work and deeds. We love our children madly (both separately).

I'm attention fromAs a woman, I have never received a husband , and I don’t spoil my husband with attention either. But somehow it turns out that we don’t disagree. Maybe because it's just convenient. I don’t demand anything from him, he does from me. ButThat's not the question . This is the preface. By the way, all of the above is true. No illusions. As it is.

About the main thing: a year ago I met a man (I’m 39, he’s 42). We liked each other at first sight. Not a word is said about this, but I know that it is so and he knows it too. And each of us knows. We met at the courses. He's from another city. This is the third time he has come for 3 weeks. He doesn't come to me. To the courses. See you there. In a public setting.

September. On our first visit, test-antibiotic.com was immediately drawn to each other. Unconsciously. Not vulgar. We sat together. Talked. Laughed. Helped each other. We called each other in the evenings and discussed business. At some point, a break occurred without reason. He started ignoring me. Having realized how I felt and how he felt, I simply stopped coming to class. And so we parted. They didn’t talk on the phone, didn’t say a word to each other. I understood that I would see each other next time in January, and he understood too. Neither of us ever said it, but we were both waiting for the opportunity to see each other. Just to see each other. I know it. Unproven. Eighth or tenth sense. Inexplicable. Between September and January we didn’t talk on the phone even once.

January. See you. He's lost weight. Noticeable. Became more restrained. He was interested in my affairs, but extremely delicately and to the point. He rarely called, I was going far away on a business trip during lectures (I had to), he called and asked how I got there. Has she returned? All without lyrics. Very seriously. I bought girly things and junk so that I could look impressive in class. I also lost weight. Nevertheless, I tried to come to the courses as rarely as possible and at test-antibiotic.com at different times in order to meet less often. They behaved among themselves as with everyone else. Only when we said goodbye on the last day did we hug each other very tightly. As the last time. Like with no one. Everything was put into one hug: how two people need each other, how we will wait for each other.

He started calling. Once in two weeks. Again, no lyrics. Just how are you doing. Any reason. There is something you need to pass for your studies. It's nice to talk, it's nice to hear on the phone. I found business in my city, called, said he was passing through, and offered to see me. During the day. We sat and had lunch. Not a word of lyrics. They didn't touch each other. Not a word was said about any sympathy. Although everyone understood with their feelings: it was blowing the roof off. Now I'm scared of what I feel. I began to ignore him. Didn't answer messages, dropped calls. Haven't heard from you for 2 months. Next courses in May.

May. I ran around, got caught up in work. I even forgot that the courses had started. He wrote whether I would be in class. And so it began. Every minute on the phone we tell each other about something test-antibiotic.com. We met at lectures. He's lost some more weight. I saw that he was going crazy, and he saw that I was almost on the verge of losing consciousness. Just from the fact that I see a person. Again they behaved very reservedly towards each other. As with everyone else. At some point they pushed each other away again. But we had to get home from the lectures together and in an informal setting we touched each other and asked each other for forgiveness for the fact that we might have offended them in some way. It wasn't even close. Our faces were just close to each other. And away we go. I didn’t sleep at night, he didn’t sleep. Could not resist. He suggested we meet in the evening. We met. Twice. We were walking. Just around the park. We held hands. We went to the cinema. We didn't kiss! But she gave her hands and eyes to each other. I don't know how to describe it. We parted okay this time. We agreed that we would call each other and write each other. Be friends.

And now the main thing. The man left. This is already the fourth day. Let's call each other. I understand that the world has turned upside down. He understands. We don't say a word about it. Both test-antibiotic.com don’t know what to do. Today he said: “Everyone tells me that I have changed a lot. Another person has returned." I see this myself. Truly a different person. Same for me though. Just as reserved. Very strong. We didn’t confess our love to each other or anything like that. I just know that this one is mineman , he knows that I am his woman.

He's not a weakling. Only I know what’s going on inside him, he doesn’t speak, he says that everything is fine. He's joking. Calms me down when it hits me. He never said anything, I found out myself, he is married and he definitely has children. True, I don’t know how many and what age. I'm very afraid of causingthe pain of another woman, especially the woman who took care of him, gave birth to his children. I understand that because of his feelings he may sufferfamily . He may be dissatisfied, first of all, with himself and the fact that he fell in love, that this is the situation. I can feel it. I'm ready to disappear again. Do not answer calls or messages. But I understand that this will be test-antibiotic.com hellish torment for us.

Tear everything down? Take a break? Talk like we're friends? What to do? There will be lectures again in October. This is important for both my and his careers. It's impossible not to see each other. And it will be the same. The unspoken anticipation of this October, torment and intimacy, perhaps even closer than before, with the understanding that we may never see each other again.