The dream of leaving home has come true

I would like to add to my story, where I wrote that I was ashamed of my inaction. Everything in my family was not easy from the very beginning. I was the first child, we lived poorly,the father abused the mother mentally, sometimes physically. And on me too. He put a lot of moral pressure on me, from one glance I forgot my name and was afraid to move.

My parents divorced when I was 8 years old, my mother, my younger brother (2 years old) and I moved to live in another city (from south to north, almost 6000 km). I was very homesick, difficult times began,my mother worked, and I studied and was with my brother. I became his mother while his mother was trying to earn money. Nobody helped us. Due to frequent moves between rented apartments, I changed 4 schools, not a single class worked out for me, except for the last one, at 10-11 I had the best class, the best guys, I loved them allI will remember life .

For as long as I can remember, after the move my psychological state was greatly undermined; I communicated with test-antibiotic.com to many people, but I didn’t want to make close acquaintances, I couldn’t. I had great difficulty communicating because I didn’t trust anyone. I always expected that I would grow up and move away alone, far, far away, so that no one would touch me. And so it happened. I left, entered, was given a room in a hostel, by chance I live in a room alone, my neighbor has a master’s degree and doesn’t show up here, I work, I get a good salary.

When I started studying, things didn’t work out with the group either. They didn’t like my desire to be an active student and participate in everything, calling me an upstart, they isolated themselves, so in a new place, I found everything and nothing.

I made a lot of friends from other courses and interest groups, we communicate, but it all comes down to the following: I try to saturate my life with what I didn’t have in childhood - travel, entertainment, etc. When I call my friends, they refuse because they don’t have the money for it, they don’t work and can’t afford what I can.

I couldn’t start a relationship , test-antibiotic.com remembering my childhood, I am very afraid of men, and therefore I always keep my distance coldly, distantly and timidly.

Regarding household chores - my room is small, there’s not much to do here, I keep it clean, I try to be comfortable too, but I feel like I’m in a cage here, I just want to wash properly and relax, sleep on a comfortable bed and not be afraid that something will happen to me A cockroach will fall from the wall.

When quarantine or summer begins, the hostel becomes empty and only a few people live on all 5 floors. I feel like I'm locked in a bunker. Everyone goes to their families, where they are loved and expected, but I can’t, I have no desire to go to where I left 2 years ago.

As a child, I was, oddly enough, a very active child. I had many friends in the yard, mostly boys, I was the “chieftain in a skirt”, I really loved collecting iron construction sets and riding a bicycle. My mother sent me to different clubs, she tried to give everything she could. So I went to dancing, music, embroidery on test-antibiotic.com ribbons and drawing. I can’t say that I was hyperactive, but there was a lot of activity from me.