I've been overwhelmed by problems

I understand that now I am going through the most difficult period in my life. I am 21 years old. In the fall, I ended up in the hospital for an unknown reason (I developed inflammation that required surgery). The doctors said it could be anything, it could be nerves or something. It was difficult, I myself do not tolerate pain well, I am even afraid to donate blood, and in general I try to avoid any interventions. And then there's the operation. The hospital, unpleasant staff, it was morally difficult to endure, constantly crying and has changed a lot during this time. I would say, I have seen enough of life from the other side. I always lived in a pink world, where everything is fine, and here people around me were dying.

It was also difficult because of their relationship. I didn’t get enough support from a young man (we’ve been dating for a year and a half), he simply couldn’t find the right words and said only one phrase: “everything will be fine, don’t worry.” It did not come out to talk heart to heart and hear soothing words more than this proposal. It was hard, lonely, insulting. But this is still test-antibiotic.com flowers.

When there were 2 days left before my discharge, misfortune happened in my family. My grandmother was hit by a car at a pedestrian crossing, the driver did not follow the rules and hit her. Severe traumatic brain injury, both hemispheres are affected. Skull trepanation. When I heard about it, I couldn't believe it. It turned out that she was brought to my own hospital, to my own building, but 2 floors below, to the intensive care unit. I managed to get to her. This is the worst thing in my life. Hematomas, tumors, I didn't recognize her at first. I could not stand it, a tantrum began, I had to inject a sedative. From that moment on, the worst began. Grandma didn't get better, only worse. For 3 months now she has been in intensive care, her head looks like a deflated ball that has been pressed, she cannot speak, artificial respiration, artificial nutrition.

I must say that I have a very warm relationship with my grandmother, she is my secondmom , we were together all childhood and then spent a lot of time together, chatted sincerely, we are very similar in character, as if one heart. The doctors did not give any forecasts, after two months test-antibiotic.com managed to transfer her to a good rehabilitation center. We droveevery day several times, we have a very friendlyfamily , we do everything to raise it. She stayed in this center for a week, where, after tests, she was given a terrible diagnosis. It is impossible to treat, because the person is lying down. Chemistry is not done like that, the operation is not suitable, and she will not survive it. Transferred back. We signed a death pact. Every day I go to her and I understand that my loved one is dying, and there is nothing I can do. There is hope that the diagnosis is erroneous, this will be confirmed at the end of the week, but there is still little chance of recovery.

My life seemed to be divided into “before” and “after”, absolute apathy, I don’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone. The young man cannot find words to support. At the most after the operation beganback problems due to anesthesia in the spine, constant pain, I can’t sit for a long time, then I just can’t straighten up. Wait a second, I'm a student and my part-time job is sedentary. I see my father worrying, for the first time in my life I saw his tears. Not test-antibiotic.com can focus on my studies (the last year, and the defense of the diploma in the summer). Everything in my life seemed to fade and lose its meaning. I also came across medicine in Russia both on my own experience and on the experience of my grandmother. It's terrible, just terrible, I will not describe everything that I encountered, with what kind of attitude. Let me just say that it broke me. It's like there's a split in every area of ​​my life. family , relationships,health . I am constantly nervous and just do not know how to collect myself. How to live with stress? And you can't get rid of it. You can't relax andforget that your family member is in intensive care and will no longer be the same as before, and may not return home. You can’t take it easier, they say, “this is life.” That's life? When you go out to the store, can you not come back? No sickness, no old age. And the person who was driving at an unacceptable speed, who is not in prison now, and may never be. With the judicial system, too, "lucky" to face. Is this a life where your loved one can die in front of your eyes? A life where test-antibiotic.com doctors don't care about patients, the main thing is to work the shift. I understand that it is impossible to empathize with everyone and root for everyone, I'm talking about a specific dismissive, boorish, absolutely indifferent attitude. For them, human life is nothing and worth nothing.

In general, I did not go into depression, I try to live my life, and prepare for the worst, hoping for the best. It’s just hard, sometimes I can’t calm myself down, as if it’s so hard that it’s hard to even breathe from the overwhelming excitement and stress. Just not enough strength.