I don't feel sorry for my mother at all

I am randomchild . My father has many children in general, I know only about eight. It's officially recognized.

Mymother was his second wife. He met her while still married. He already had two daughters. The father terribly wanted a son, and I was born. Then my mother's parents came and forced him to marry my mother. I was then a year old.

The parents fought constantly. Mom always fell short of his first wife - appearance, intelligence, housekeeping. Well, my father never stopped walking. Once my mother drank vinegar, an ambulance came, they washed the stomach. Before that, she left a note - "Give my daughter to my sister." I was three years old.

I then asked her if she seriously believed that it would be so? I would have been given to my father. She shrugged. Then there was a period of truce, and my mother became pregnant with a boy. The pregnancy was difficult, she fainted on the street, and I was very afraid that she would die. And then they put her in storage, and I was sent for three months to a remote village to my father's relative.

He took me test-antibiotic.com drunk to zero. He was dragged back by an outsider, who probably took pity on me. I was six years old. Then a brother was born, and I learned what jealousy is. Since then, my mother has been gone. She was all in her son and was engaged only in him. And then I had to go to school.

It turned out that I did not reach the level of physics and mathematics, I only go through the best in the city, but humanitarian school. It's nonsense that there are five languages. In algebra, barely four, that's where the trouble is. My brother grew up, he turned out to be a vile character. He allowed everything that I couldn't. I cried, told my mother that she did not love me. She said she loves us equally, I didn't believe it.

I hated my brother, but it was impossible to show anger. Mom scolded and shamed me for this, I poured anger into my diaries, my mother found them and scolded them for them. All this time I was sick - eyes, intestines, throat, stomach. In the ninth grade, I got very sick, I had low blood pressure, and I couldn't get out of bed. test-antibiotic.com. Doctors shrugged, they say, age-related, will outgrow.

In the evening, my father sat on my bed and said that I should go and work, since I could not study. I cried, my mother tried to stop it. My father drank a lot then. Mom always tried to prove to him that she was no worse than his female colleagues, even somehow got drunk with them on a par.

They constantly fought because of money and father's betrayals. And then they fought, I stood between them, then pulled the roaring brother away from them. Then they called the police, filmed the beatings, filed fordivorce . I went everywhere with my mother. I was 15 years old.

Then we went to my mother's parents for a year. My brother and I, because my mother returned to sell the apartment. And then we returned, too, because my mother said that I would have more chances to go to college in my hometown. Well, they seem to have reconciled with their father. At the same time, I got a smart teacher in physics, my studies went uphill.

At 17, I fell in love. The first kiss coincided with the exam and the submission of test-antibiotic.com documents to a university in a larger city. Beloved boy did not want to wait for me. My father was proud of me. I entered the budget, but something broke in me. I just lay on the bed and didn't want to eat or drink or go anywhere. I dropped out in my second year. Mom and brother ate me for food. I was not allowed to eat at the table with everyone for some time, only as long as no one sees.

My father immediately arranged for me to study at a university in my hometown for a fee. A year later, I flew out of there. I secretly tried to enter another university in the humanities department, but it did not work out. My father pushed me into the same university again. In this group, I met my future husband, and I grew wings. I studied for myself and for him, I only came home to feed the cat. Mom, having taken her brother, left for a year with her parents, it seems like they promised her a house, and her father had nothing to do at home, the ladies were waiting for him. He left me 100 rubles for a week and left. This was barely enough for test-antibiotic.com cat food.

Mom and brother returned. The house eventually went to the middle sister. My mother was hostile to the news about my boyfriend - he is nobody to you, and we are relatives! For my studies, I needed a computer, special programs in which I had to make term papers. But I had practically no access to it - my brother wanted to play, and this is his computer.

By the end of the year, my father and mother once again quarreled, he no longer wanted to pay for my studies, especially since my brother studied at school much worse than me and the budget did not shine for him. I transferred to part-time. She paid for her studies herself, but she did not finish her studies. I went on maternity leave and realized that I didn’t want to be in this area, although I already managed to work. I was chasing a diploma for show. I quit without writing my own diploma, now I have a crust about an unfinished higher education.

My husband still finished his studies, my mother offered us to live with her. I bought my mom a refrigerator on credit for her birthday and, out of my own stupidity, I also got test-antibiotic.com into a microloan. I paid a total of 70 thousand. I spent a lot of nerves, but my mother did not find out about this problem. I will never take out a loan for such purchases again.

At this time, the brother flew out of school and went into the army. While he was in the army, living with his mother was more or less bearable. We understood that in her house (my mother still sold the apartment and bought half the house), my mother sets her own rules, and we didn’t really appear. She married us. She then began to work in the church, and the priest did not allow her to receive communion, saying: “Your children live in sin at home.”

I remember this wedding fondly. Of the guests, only parents and a couple of our friends. An expensive dress that my mother insisted on and for which I then paid for a long time, my father, whom I did not want to see, but for some reason my mother called him. And when a brother came from the army, it became impossible to live. It always seemed to my mother that we were infringing on him in some way, she defended him with a lioness. And if earlier the mother promised test-antibiotic.com to give a house to someone who is more involved in it, then she said that she could not deprive her child of living space in any way. Although my brother was too lazy to wash the floor.

In the end, we were lucky, we found a dorm room and breathed freely. They took a cat, I dropped out of school and went on maternity leave. She gave birth to a wonderful daughter. Mom during pregnancy could not help anything. I could not even discuss the upcoming caesarean with her, because she herself had no time to get acquainted with the information. But it was when to visit the sites of purchases. Yes, I'm offended. And I didn’t want to tell something to an uninterested person.

True, she pasted the wallpaper in the future daughter's room (husband agreed, and we were given two rooms in a hostel). In the decree, I passed on the rights (on the first try, I am proud of myself). I studied as a designer of clothes, received a red diploma (also proud of myself). I found a job in my specialty while still studying.

My brother spent all this time sitting at home and playing computer games. Then he was beckoned by his mother's younger sister to another city on the lungsmoney . He failed, returned test-antibiotic.com back and again sat down at the computer. Now he works at the church for symbolic money and still sits at the computer. He asks his mother for money for travel and clothes, enough of his own for cigarettes. Mom took out loans to renovate the house according to her vision. She did not succeed, but the loans remained, they must be paid.

I have a dream - immigration. My husband was very cool about this, but when I came out of the decree and started working, we managed to go to my friend in Paris. There was also a flight through Finland, so we took a little walk there as well. Now he himself has caught fire with this idea. Now he was offered a job at a foreign nuclear power plant, with a good salary. He has been there for three weeks now, and my daughter and I are still here, selling furniture. Due to covid, we both lost our jobs, so we have absolutely nothing to lose. I hope to be reunited soon, I miss him terribly.

I didn’t want to talk about the news of our move until the last, but you can’t hide such an awl in a bag, unfortunately. test-antibiotic.com My brother always said that I wouldn't be able to leave, I wouldn't have enough brains. Mom somehow betrayed that my plans were unrealistic, and someday I would get bored with a public toilet, and it would be time to take my head and climb into a mortgage. From this phrase, I realized that she discussed me with her father and could not forgive her.

Now I don't know how I feel about my mother and brother. I never had a close relationship with my brother, which is understandable. Mom cries and complains about how tired she is to pull loans and support her brother. And when I offer to stop feeding a 30-year-old man, she says that this is her child and she cannot do this to him. Loans now she counted 60 thousand on a credit card and some more of the main debt.

In general, it is interesting that she says that there is me, and there is “her child”. I don't feel sorry for her. I feel like an ungrateful and insensitive egoist, but it's not a pity. And don't feel sorry for your brother. The husband says, do not interfere, it is better to spend your nerves on your daughter. And recently my mother said that I was a stranger. And I realized that test-antibiotic.com I was tired of listening to her, giving her advice, comforting her. I don’t want to, but it seems like I should, the daughter is still. I don't know what to do with it.