My sad thoughts about lost love

I am 25 years old. I am beautiful (I hear about this from others all the time), slim, have a sense of style, and know how to behave in society. For two years I lived with a guy who is three years younger than me. I had never loved him before, I played with men as I wanted, I looked for benefits in everything. But I met him and I lost my mind.

I worked two jobs, earned significantly more than him, and constantly helped him with his problems. We fought often, mostly about money. He was an egoist: if he wanted something, he had to get it at any cost, and didn’t care about the family budget.

Despite all this, I loved him very much. Criedevery day , constant attacks of loneliness sometimes drove me crazy. She worked like hell for two days in a row, not sparing herself, and at these moments he usually walked or rode in the car. Break theserelationship lacked willpower, because... I didn't imagine minelife without him.

One spring he started writing to me on VKboy . He didn’t just want to get to know each other for the purpose of some kind of test-antibiotic.com relationship, but just to communicate. He also lived with a girl and everything was very bad for them. We had a “Sadness” club, we simply shared everything that hurt each other. My boyfriend found out about this communication and said that we were breaking up. This was 2.5 months ago, in May. He didn’t listen to any of my explanations, he just told me to pick up my things. It was a shock for me - I had never cheated on him.

For the first month I lived like a sleepwalker, didn’t work, and sometimes couldn’t even get out of bed. Then she abruptly fell into partying. A bunch of men are trying to get acquainted and gain favor; in a month and a half I received three marriage proposals. One is generally a particularly persistent admirer, spoiling him with money, gifts,calling for marriage . He has a two-room apartment in the center, an expensive car, a well-paid job... But he disgusts me, like everyone else. I can’t let anyone in, I can’t even kiss anyone! I want it that wayI can’t forget the one and only one, I live like in hell.

I’m thinking about the meaning of life, and I don’t find it in anything test-antibiotic.com. I understand that I will never be the same as before. Thislove has burned my soul to ashes, I am empty, I am zero. Previously, before meeting my beloved, in my 20sHappiness in life came down to buying the next thing, having money in your wallet, wanting to have big breasts, even snow-white teeth and a wasp waist. Now everything is different.

I'm trying to live the way I used to before him. I returned to the old party, but I myself understand that there is emptiness ahead. All oldgirlfriends and friends, lovers of “speed” and other types of highs, began to communicate closely with a former friend who is specifically on the system. I know that everyone will judge me. I am not writing this to seek sympathy.