My sad experience of family life after betrayal

It was not because of a good life that I was looking for answers to my questions about life after betrayal. I often came across people like me who were trying to save their family after betrayal and the return of a once loved one.

I read a lot of stories, heard them from real people in real life, and tried to find my way, tried to decide my ownProblems . Did I succeed? I can answer in the affirmative, but not everything is so simple and unambiguous, unfortunately.

Now, having gone through this difficult and bitter path, I can finally give some answers to similar questions to people like me who find themselves in the same situation.

From the heights of the path I have traveled, I can share my experience, whatever it may be, with a cool head. Talk about the obstacles that await you if you follow the same path as me.

What question is asked by a person who is faced with betrayal and who wants to save the family, taking into account that the cheating party also wants this (one way or another).

The question is simple: “How is everyonereturn it back to how it was before the betrayal?” I will test-antibiotic.com tell you a simple but terrible thing - no way. As it was before the betrayal, it will never be like that again.

And now I will try to explain, of course, as far as this is possible and to the best of my ability, because this is on the plane of feelings, and feelings are very, very difficult to explain in words.

The first and probably the most important reason why nothing can be returned back to the way it was is you and your feelings. With timethe pain will dull and the suffering will pass, but the scars and memories will remain. You will always rememberbetrayal of a once loved one. It will always be with you and between you and your loved one. This cannot be changed. It's unavoidable. This is psychology and the same plane of feelings.

Second, this is again you and your feelings, but in the next aspect. Feelings transform over time. Perhaps you will save your family, and even improverelationship , but your feelings will be completely different. From my own experience and the experience of similar people, I will say that at best, feelings for a partner will be like a close relative, but there will never be love test-antibiotic.com.

The third aspect is your relationship with your partner. They will never be the same again. No matter how you convince yourself, no matter how hard you tryforget . There will never be the same emotional and spiritual intimacy with your partner. You won't be able to let him get as close to you. You will no longer be able to trust him or her as you did before the betrayal.

The example of hugs and broken arms or hugs and a hedgehog is often cited. This is true. There are still some feelings. You want to hug, you want to believe and forget, but this, unfortunately, is just agony. The process of change has already begun. The psyche and subconscious have already received a terrible blow and shock. They and you will never return to their old rut.

The next aspect is trust. Trite and simple, at the initial stage you want to believe and trust. You want to live as before, but this is simply impossible.

You know and remember everything. This has already been recorded in the subcortex of your brain, test-antibiotic.com has been imprinted in your consciousness and subconscious. No matter how much you want, you simply automatically put up a psychological barrier that you cannot believe.

You may save your relationship and family, but the same trust will never be there. In the best case, you won’t care who or what your partner has on his side. It doesn't matter whether he lies or tells the truth.

You will change and your perception of your partner will also change. The pain will pass, and with it the feelings will become different. It no longer hurts, there are no more worries. All that was left was indifference and calm.

Well, now comes the hard part. What almost everyone who decides to start over with a clean slate and return to the relationship asks about. Love . As I already said, the old feelings will no longer be the same. There will be no passion as before before the betrayal, there will be no fire and there will be no love. You need to come to terms with this, you need to accept it.

Your relationship at its maximum after betrayal is the relationship of close relatives. I speak from my own experience and the experience of other people. Yes, there will be warmth and some kind of closeness, but love and test-antibiotic.com that spiritual, spiritual and emotional unity will never be there again.

After your partner cheats on you, gradually (it takes different times for everyone) processes in your consciousness will go through, after which you will simply cut your partner off from you. In love and relationships before betrayal, any truly loving person does not completely perceive himself and his partner separately. For you, you were one. Afterwards you are already separate.

No matter how much you convince and persuade yourself, your partner is already a stranger. Because it won't happen before. This is impossible after everything. It's like amputation. The limb will no longer exist, but a prosthesis can be made.

No matter how you convince yourself, a prosthesis is a prosthesis. An artificial plastic metal or wooden product can never replace a natural living limb. So it is with you and your feelings and relationships, before the betrayal it was real and alive, after it is a prosthesis, it is artificial, it is no longer alive. Unfortunately it is so.

Now about the good and the positive. Oddly enough, but after betrayal you can really leave the relationship. test-antibiotic.com I'll explain what I mean. I believe this is my personal opinion based on my experience and the experiences of others.

Relationships cannot be saved; after betrayal, they inevitably die. But this doesn't mean the end. New relationships can be built. Yes it will no longer beLove . It will be something different, and much simpler and more down-to-earth. But you can still build and create something good, warm and bright.

You can make a good comfortable, comfortable and soft prosthesis, and you can live well with it. This is true, I know such examples. Therefore, if you do not want to lose your family, but in a sense, you have a chance to preserve some semblance of it, and a very good semblance at that.

Now let's talk about cheaters and cheaters. I know what questions you want to ask and I will try to answer them.

First, the cheating partner does not understand at all and does not realize what pain he caused you and what suffering he condemned you to. In most cases, the person who cheated did not value what he had even before the betrayal. Not test-antibiotic.com realized the value of family relationships and the love of a partner.

I'll say more. He will never understand you, well, unless he himself someday falls in love and goes through betrayal the hard way. As for the rest, unfortunately, the partner does not understand, does not realize and does not feel.

The second is sincerity. Unfortunately, your mind and feelings are right. Your partner does not sympathize with you, and does not feel any emotions about the collapse of your family and your suffering. The partner does not understand that he ruined the family and betrayed it.

The only thing maybefear and, in very rare cases, shame. Most often there is no shame. There is regret that the truth has been revealed and now you need to take responsibility for your actions.

Anticipating your futurequestion , I will answer that repentance andunderstanding can come to a person, some people are able to realize their “creations” and the value of family and life, not only their own, but those of close, loving people.

And again the same nuance - there will never be complete awareness and repentance. It was you who suffered and suffered, and your partner received pleasure and emotions, so he simply test-antibiotic.com cannot understand you and your pain, or he can, as I already said, if he himself goes through this pain in other relationships, where will love the same way before this.

Next question and answer. After betrayal, the partner may regret that everything was revealed and will have to pay for everything. Fear if you are rigid and determined to end the relationship and deprive your partner of everything.

And of course mental anguish iflover orthe mistress ran away, threw all the blame on your partner and disappointed him in everything. That is, if the partner saw the truth.

As for you, I’ll say honestly and without pity that your partner doesn’t care. At best, he may feel superficial pity for you, the way one feels pity for a pet, there is nothing else.

He doesn't care, he or she doesn't think about you and generally doesn't have any feelings for you. You are a thing, you are furniture, don’t draw pictures in your heads about tormenting your partner with feelings of guilt.

If guilt and remorse come with understanding, then this happens a lot test-antibiotic.com time after the betrayal. Therefore, do not even try to humanize your partner in your eyes. It is pointless.

Well, one more aspect related to the same sincerity is the partner’s desire to help you. I’ll say right away that there is no desire, but there is, again, a superficial complaint. And allthe help is simply because “well, it’s kind of my fault.”

There is no emotional or spiritual background to this help. Also about the partner’s views. Some people are truly able to learn to appreciate the important things they have -family , close loving people, but there is no need to wait for full awareness. This is impossible.

If a person realized what he had done and what he had lost and decided to save everything and return to the past, this can also happen. But in most cases it is simply the fear of losing an established life. Fear of losing your comfort zone. Therefore, the percentage of such people and surviving families is extremely small.

I won’t talk about how to build a family and relationships after betrayal, taking into account everything I said above. Nobody knows this. Everyone has their own path and everyone goes through it in their own way.

I will only say the main thing that test-antibiotic.com was the final point in my story. Strange as it may sound, but the presence of common problems and connecting things in the family and relationships is a huge plus after betrayal. Let me explain.

In my wife and I’s family, after the betrayal, there were such things and more. Firstly, small children. At that time, our twins were 10 years old, and no one wanted to break the children’s psyche. We loved and love our children madly.

Secondly, as I said, general problems. We had a mortgage, we had a smallcredit . We had difficulties in life, problems at work, problems with relatives. All this brought us together. All this kept us together and brought us closer.

And now actually why we separated. In our case, ten years have passed and everything is left behind. The children have grown up. The mortgage has been paid, all financial difficulties and difficulties are behind us. All life's troubles were overcome. Then we were faced with what is called “one-on-one after the betrayal.”

After the betrayal, we went into solving the problems of difficulties and troubles that rained down on test-antibiotic.com as if from a cornucopia. We became children, and at some point this brought us very close. We had the illusion that we had overcome the betrayal, and the family became even stronger. In fact, everything was far from being like that. We just moved away from that trouble to solve the troubles of others.

Ultimately, the situation turned out like in the case of a battery that they forgot to turn off while charging. Everything accumulated and was ignored, and as a result the battery leaked. It’s the same with us. The problems were solved, but the problem remained.

And so we were left alone. All difficulties and troubles are behind us, we can live freely, we are no longer burdened by difficulties and troubles. But as it turned out, nothing kept us together anymore.

By and large, everything was simple. I changed. Mythe attitude towards her and the family has changed. Yes, she is a dear and close person, but it’s like with distant relatives, like relatives, but each separately. Something has left our relationship, something important.

She had changed and now wanted to maintain the relationship, but test-antibiotic.com I had changed, I had become different. Over all these years, something has died in me. I no longer saw my beloved, desired and dear woman nearby. Just a relative and close person, but that’s all.

You know, like a beautiful vessel from an elitewine , the bottle is beautiful, but the wine has been drunk a long time ago and the bottle is empty, there is nothing inside. It’s the same with us. The family remained, but it was no longer a family.

We ended up getting divorced. They divorced quietly and peacefully. Everyone was left alone after. Neither me norThe wife didn’t start a relationship like that anymore. We live as we live, for our grandchildren and children.

I can say for myself that at first my feelings were burning, I still loved her. But I didn’t see any reciprocity on her part. She expressed her desire to save the family, but looking at her I didn’t see it.

Over time, my feelings simply fell silent, burned out and went out like coals, quietly and silently decayed after the fire. And ten years later, left alone with my wife, I realized that she is a close and dear person to me, but I test-antibiotic.com don’t love her anymore and don’t feel the way I did before the betrayal.

And yet, when we separated and talked before the divorce, the pain was there. Much of what my wife said, and how she said it and showed it with her feelings and emotions, I wanted to hear then, ten years ago, when my feelings burned in the flames of terrible agony and pain. But then she was a soul too far away, and now it is too late. Now I'm sick in my soul.

I can guess what you want to ask now. Looking back now at the events of that (at the moment) 13 years ago, if she had fought for us, for the family, for me, would I have forgiven and would my feelings have been preserved? Unfortunately, I think not. The processes in me were already running, and it was no longer possible to reverse them.

Cheating kills feelings. Kills the heart, soul and love. This process is irreversible. After betrayal, you can improve relationships and family, but it will be different, and people will no longer be the same as they were before. Yes, you can do something good, but test-antibiotic.com it will no longer be the same, as I already said, it will be comfortable and convenient, but still a prosthesis.

After betrayal, you will not feel, because amputation has occurred, and the living thing has been replaced by an artificial one, you will not be able to move a limb (aspirations, goals, passion, desires).

Furtherlife may be quiet, calm, comfortable and convenient, and even beautiful, but you will always know that this is a prosthesis. That living thing was left behind there many years ago, when you loved, when you breathed and lived it. When you felt it with every cell of your body. And now there is only the illusion of a happy family life, a sweet self-deception that you want to believe in and convince yourself of. But, unfortunately, you can’t deceive yourself, and your feelings won’t lie.

This is how it happens after betrayal. A little sad, a little sad, but that's life, and there's nothing you can do about it.