My son can't forgive me

I'll start with the fact that mymy son is already quite an adult, he is 30 years old, but due to circumstances we live together (in the same apartment), it’s just that neither he nor I have anywhere else to go. Just 10 years ago I was a quite successful woman, had my own, albeit small, business (I was an interior designer), looked good, earned good money and, in general, was quite happy. The trouble is that at that time I paid too little attention to my only son, spent little time with him, and often pushed him off to my parents. He finished his last year of school with his grandparents in a neighboring city, because my lastThe boy's husband simply couldn't stomach it.

God punished me for this; I divorced my husband. My son returned, went to college, although I didn’t let him study at the institute, I forced him to go on academic leave and get a job, since he studied poorly. Further more. My son started raising his voice at me, bringing friends over for the night, then I moved him out of the apartment (which, by the way, was given to us by my test-antibiotic.com father) to a rented apartment, which I paid for myself, thenParents started giving money . For everything I did to my own child, I paid in full: I was left without friends, without work, without health. From a young attractive woman she turned into a wreck (I have a 3rd group disability, I don’t want to write a disease, I have a whole bunch of them, but I take care of myself). The apartment , once renovated according to my design, has during this time managed to turn into a shack, although I try to at least maintain cleanliness.

The son never graduated from college, he self-taught himself in a sought-after specialty and is now working. He is very kind and sensitiveguy , and he has friends, although they are few. About two years ago he fell ill with intercostal neuralgia and has not yet been cured, and he is sure that he is sick because of me, they say, due to nervousness. He can fly off the handle and yell at me out of the blue. Lately we have hardly spoken, although I try to be invariably affectionate with him and forgive any of his attacks. Sometimes he is test-antibiotic.com tactless with me. Recently I said that I want to get a job at least as an operator (I am a certifiedprogrammer ), so he answered me that they would only hire me to wash the floor. We live next to each other, like strangers, and I’m sure that if he had the opportunity to leave, he would leave, but he has nowhere to go.

I went to church, repented of my sins to the priest, now I want to confess to you and ask for advice on how to deal with such a situation. My parents (they moved to another city) talked to their son so that he would be gentler towards me, but to no avail.