Husband can't forgive me cheating

My husband and I have been together for 8 years. Son is 6 years old. A year ago I cheated on my husband and he found out. The world has turned upside down (I will speak for myself). I hate myself for my act, I constantly curse. I am a terrible person and sometimes I myself do not believe in what I have done.

I begged on my knees for forgiveness. I reproached myself and I reproach to this day. He returned to me, and I, in turn, try to prove to him every second that I won’t do this again. I went through a lot of stress when I realized that I could lose him.

I cried so many tears this year, I have not cried in my entire life. I know it's my own fault. And I never tried to blame someone for my mistake. I did everything to justify the opportunity given to me.

I completely changed our relationship for the better. I did everything to make him forget: surprises, sex, affection,love , sms sent thousands, poems.

Throughout the year, he periodically reminded me to know my place, that I am a fallen woman, that he did not forgive me, test-antibiotic.com, but only gave me a chance. At every opportunity, he reminded me of what was insanely painful. I know it's my fault, but I'm trying my best.

And so a year has passed. The reminders became more frequent and harsher. There are more and more tears. And if before that we were planning a second child, then in the last month I understand that I am afraid to give birth. That someday I won't be able to stand it and leave, and the children will grow up without a father.

I love him madly and do not want to destroy the family. But lately I've been feeling more and more likedivorce is inevitable. That it's just a matter of time.

How to continue to live? How to learn not to react to insults? How to learn to understand that this is an insult? And how to accustom yourself to the fact that it will always be like this now?