I don't love the guy, but I don't want to lose him

I'm writing thisConfession because I can’t sort out my feelings.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Before that we knew each other for 7-8 years. We communicated little, then mutual interest in each other flared up, we began to spend more time together and almost immediately from the beginning of the relationship we rented an apartment. Well-established life, almost no quarrels, mutual joy and care. Six months later they confessed their love to each other. Then money didn’t work out, we decided to live with relatives, there was much less sex (and even before that, this man made me not want sex, but want to take care of him, first of all). In the last month and a half of our relationship, I became very passionate about one young man, but literally within a week the passion disappeared.

Then doubts arose: do I really love if I can become infatuated with someone like this? Then this feeling passed and everything seemed to be fine again. But then he left, and I realized that I didn’t seem to miss him, and something began to irritate me in his telephone “call back”. She decided to give us a break, and we parted, but test-antibiotic.com still wanted to communicate. He constantly says that he loves him, and I communicate with him for the reasons that, firstly, I am interested in him, and I almost don’t want to share the news with anyone other than him. Secondly, I wonder how he islife , affairs. Thirdly, I start to get jealous if he goes somewhere with friends or is silent for a long time.

That is, it seems that the feelings have almost subsided and I treat him almost like a brother, but as soon as I imagine that he has someone else, I feel unpleasant. It's unpleasant to try to tie it uprelationships with other men. For me this is akin to treason. That is, I’m trying to imagine that there is another, but more familiar, better option for myself nearby. It seems that any new person will be worse than the current one, because the last one is very good. Frankly speaking, it’s a pity and I don’t want to let this guy go, it seems that 80 percent of today’s girls are no match for him, no matter how terrible it may sound. Sometimes it seems to me that I am doing something bad and tormenting this wonderful little man test-antibiotic.com with my doubts and therefore I cannot be worthy of him either. We communicate like friends.

We see each other often, when we meet we are instinctively drawn to each other, but by the end of the meetings I want to talk to him more, spend time with him rather than hug, etc. It seems like a relative, a close one, but I don’t have that desire for tenderness and I want to pull my hand away. I feel guilty, ashamed and uncomfortable in front of him. The last time he said that we need to break up completely, since this is the situation. After that, tears rolled down like hail for another two hours after his words. I want to fall in love with the same person again. I understand that it’s about me, not about the person. Before this, there was a similar situation, where my boyfriend and I broke up for a year, and I just got over the breakup, then we moved in together based on old feelings, but it wasn’t the same,

I clearly understood that I coexisted with a person by inertia and was simply waiting for a convenient option so as not to vegetate in solitude. That is, I clearly realized that I didn’t love her. I don't understand anything! Now I want to solve our sexualproblems , specially test-antibiotic.com made an appointment with a sexologist, I want to believe that everything can be solved. It’s as if I’m forcing myself to love, and this “forcing” causes severe discomfort. And I force him because I’m afraid that sooner or later he’ll get tired of it and won’t wait, but will simply go to someone else. That's all then.

I don't know what's happening to me. Please tell me how to correctly understand this situation?