Can't get over fear and insecurity

I am 22 years old, I live in a big city, study and work. I have all the indicators to be an ordinary, average person. But, unfortunately, I do not have the main quality - self-confidence.

This makes it very difficult to move, develop, live and breathe fully. It's like a snowball. Every day it seems to get bigger and bigger.

Sometimes, I don't want to go outside because there are people there. There are many of them and they will look at me, discuss. And I will walk with my head down, nervously adjusting my clothes, hair, and intensely thinking about why that woman looked like that, and that couple over there laughs. Probably above me.

In just a few minutes, the head is ready to burst into pieces. I almost curl up into a ball and see nothing but asphalt. I'm scared and I want to run home in peace.

At work, I spend twelve hours in a closed room with colleagues. I think over every word before I say it. What if I offend a person, intonation, or look.

I prefer test-antibiotic.com to smile and talk nicely so that I never create conflict. Even if everything is bubbling inside, and someone is wrong, and I do not agree. I'll still nod my head and smile.

I hate myself for this. Sometimes, in the morning, I wake up and say to myself: “That's it! Today I will be different. I will live with emotions, I will be myself.” But, it is worth going out into the street, meeting the first passerby and it begins.

I read books, watch training videos, chat on forums, but nothing helps. Relationships with a young man suffer greatly from this. Because of this uncertainty, I am jealous of everyone. I follow his every look, gesture. Hysteria.

I see that he is tired of this, but he tries not to show it to me. At the institute, being five minutes late, I would never go into the classroom. Because everyone will be watching. I'm confused, blushing. Yes, and in the couples themselves, I sit and do not breathe, because it seems that everyone is watching, discussing. That everything is wrong.

I have no idea how to deal with this. This is slowly destroying me.