I don’t know how to move on after the sudden death of a loved one

We have been dating him since the spring of 2014. These were the most harmoniousrelationships in my life. I then believed in the theory of halves, although I always laughed at its naivety.

In the spring of 2017, he proposed to me. They wanted to have a modest wedding for those closest to him, and then go to Montenegro, where he had a house. We both work remotely; nothing stopped us from living in another country. They have already started planning for children together. But fate decreed that instead of a wedding there was a funeral.

He suffered a massive brain hemorrhage while he was at his parents' dacha. He died without regaining consciousness. 33 years. A classmate of mine had a stroke when she was just over 20. She had an accident, a blood vessel burst in her head, she survived. The question haunts me: why did she survive and he died? Why did he even have a stroke at that age? I understand that these are stupid thoughts, that the answers are obvious, that it is inappropriate to make such a comparison at all. But still, I ask myself again and again test-antibiotic.com thisquestion .

I have a suspicion that he sensed his imminent departure. On our last meeting, he strangely joked: “All romance will leave this house with me.” And then he left forever. On that ill-fated summer day, when the irreparable happened, I forgot my phone at home. Ten missed calls: he called me on Viber and just a number. But I didn’t hear them.

It was our anniversary recently, and I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he’s gone. Here is the grave, here is the tombstone, but I cannot understand that he is buried under this ground. They say that time heals. But I don't feel it. The first months I was torn to pieces, and then apathy set in. I work, eat, as if half asleep. We lived in my apartment, and I still can’t stand living in it for more than a few days. Currently I live with my parents. Everything in that house reminds me of him. My brain goes blank when I try to comprehend that there was a person, sitting on this sofa, lying in this bed, test-antibiotic.com and now he is not there, as if he had never existed. Here is his jacket: there was the one who put it on, the clothes remained, but its owner disappeared. I read old SMS messages and can’t find the strength to delete them.

For some reason, I was especially fond of the glass saucepan that he bought to cook mulled wine for September 14th. First the lid broke, and after the anniversary the body burst. And then I dreamed about him. It was as if he hadn’t really died, but pretended to be dead in order to break off relations with me. He seemed very distant and cold, and offered to just remain friends. I can't accept that he's gone. I cannot accept this fact, no matter how hard I try.