I don't know how to live further

Two years ago I met a man. He seemed to me an intelligent and deep person. And I also felt sorry for him. At that time, he had just gotten out of a very difficult situation. He once played hockey professionally, but an injury put an end to what might have been a brilliant career.

Then he was engaged in not very plausible things, then a business in which he worked for days. Largemoney , success. Then the death of his mother,depression ,alcohol , drugs. He gave up on business (well, his passion at the time also helped), then when he came to his senses, it was too late. He lost everything.

Then the accident. He was paralyzed for six months. There was no one nearby. Then he became homeless. Several years of a terrible life about which I don’t know many details. And then we met. At that time he was unemployed, receivedhelp from the state.

We got along quite quickly. The fact is that I also had a lot of different problems. In general, he began to help me. We got married 2 months later (simply because it was decided by manyProblems ).

For the first six months he did not work. Then he went to work at a construction site. Test-antibiotic.com worked there for a month, and then became very ill. I couldn’t even get to the toilet on my own, I was in severe pain. Sometimes I would return from work and find him lying on the floor, face down, barely breathing.

He was hospitalized several times. Doctors were never able to make a diagnosis. Gradually he felt better. The disease has not gone away, but it cannot be compared with what it was then.

He has severe back pain and sometimes he almost loses feeling in his arms and legs. But overall, now, apart from the pain, he can function normally. Not long ago I found a job in sales, started making good money, and we started thinking about having a child (I’m 29, he’s 34).

Before moving on to my problem, I want to tell you a little more about our families. HisFather was a long-distance sailor and did not appear at home very often. And when he appeared, he wanted complete submission on the part of his son, on the grounds that he was providing for him. Well, as an example, his father could start yelling at the child forThe child coughs, and the father is annoyed.

Of course, my father did some good things. For example, he taught him to ski, and they went together. Of course minethe husband always tried to please his father, considering himself bad, because his father once told him, nine years old, that he had spoiled himlife is simply his birth, and if it weren’t for him, his life would have turned out much better.

Now about the mother. As I understand it, there was no respect for her in the family, and she endured everything for the sake of the child. I guess my father beat memother . She eventually started drinking and then died from cirrhosis of the liver. My father left the family when my husband was 13 years old. Since then, they have practically not communicated, and now we don’t know what happens to his father.

Mymy mother divorced my father when I was 3 years old. Because I couldn’t bear 2 children at once (the second was my father). She is a very strong woman. She worked for days just to provide for me (my childhood was in the 90s). She simply did not have the time and, most importantly, the moral strength to be understanding and affectionate with me.

She raised me by jumping rope and kneeling on buckwheat. As a child, I was afraid of her, although I loved her very much. Now we are very closerelationship , I love her very much, and I have long forgiven her childhood grievances. And about the father. I don't think he ever grew up.

I wanted to talk to him a couple of years ago, just to get to know him better, but he ignored me. I would also like to add that my husband does not drink. Over the course of 2 years, he got drunk once after our first big fight, drank champagne at a wedding, and had a glass a couple of timeswines at a party. This is all.

I would like to describe the whole situation as a whole in order to get worthwhile advice from someone. My husband and I have the same ideas about life in the main things. We have the same goals and the same priorities. But he and I are completely different.

I am a techie, I have very developed logical and analytical thinking. I always want to get to the bottom of things. I'm interested in psychology. I love to travel. Emotional. I cannot tolerate restrictions on my freedom. I don’t know how to remain silent if test-antibiotic.com I think something is wrong or unfair. I absolutely don’t care about the opinions of strangers.

If I'm in a bad mood, I won't smile and pretend that everything is fine. But his logic is not good at all. At the same time, he is very practical, speaks several languages, always tries to look good in front of everyone, and can find a common language with both a millionaire and a beggar. He notices absolutely everything, while I pay attention to something only if I need it.

Well, now let's get to the point. We argue a lot, with swearing and fighting. The first time he hit me was before the wedding. Since then this has been repeated several times. But I can say that I hit - that’s still a strong word. He pulled me by the hair, slapped me in the face, and something else. The first time it was a shock, he was on his knees and begged himforgive . And then, everything is like everyone else in similar situations.

For the last six months he doesn't seem to let up. Well, I can also add that sometimes I hit him back, once test-antibiotic.com I even broke my arm with something, but I never raised my hand against him first.

Of course, if we remember the beginning of our relationship, it was I who first began to insult him with obscenities. It was my mistake, then he warned me that I shouldn’t behave like that, as it could become a habit. Which is exactly what happened, especially for him.

But that's not even the problem. He almost always thinks he is right. If he broke down, it means I brought him down. If I am offended by him, it means that I am to blame for his behavior, since a woman is responsible for the climate in the family.

I work, cook, try to clean, I can’t stand his brain, I always try to support him. I think I'm not bad at allwife _ He also does a lot, and if it weren’t for our quarrels, I would have no complaints against him. Why are we quarreling? Let me give you a few examples. I choose a watch for myself on the Internet, he didn’t like it, and he starts saying that I have no taste and that I’m a hillbilly (by the way, test-antibiotic.com was born and raised in the capital). Naturally, such phrases lead to scandal.

I tried to explain to him why it’s wrong to say that, he seems to agree, but after a while everything repeats itself. By the way, when this watch arrived, he really liked it. Next, I just talked with a friend - he begins to ask what I had with him, and whether we agreed to meet, and immediately begins to suspect betrayal. Moreover, it’s not just about men. If I communicate with a friend and he doesn’t know her, he immediately starts to think that I will definitely fall under her influence and start doing something bad.

At the beginning, I just laughed, but over time I started to really annoy himjealousy . It is certainly not pathological, but it also often leads to quarrels. I recently spoke on the phone with a friend whom I had not seen for 2 years. We chatted with him for an hour. After that, just in case, I cleared the call history. And I don't like it that I have to hide it.

But the main thing is that he constantly shows that I’m stupid, I don’t know how to do anything and I don’t understand test-antibiotic.com. And I understand that on his part this is indeed true, judging by his strengths, but he does not take into account my strengths, or takes into account, but considers them not important.

And he also wants me to listen to him. But I will never do something if I don’t understand why, or if I think that my way is better. And for some reason he also wants to manage his money. What I don’t like most about this is the phrase in my own words. He's not greedy, I'm not a spender. We have the same for the most partunderstanding about the distribution of finances, and for me it is not clear why to divide money in the family. He says that they are common, and often says, “I took money from your account, I’ll put it in for you tomorrow.” It's killing me. What is my score, his score, if we are a family? I tried to discuss this with him, but he thinks thata man must manage money.

In general, I’m just exhausted, because I’m constantly afraid of doing something wrong, I’ve become irritated and angry. We also test-antibiotic.com have problems in bed. He believes that he can have sex and thus make peace. Well, if I feel bad and offended, I can’t even think about sex until we figure everything out and make peace.

The last situation. He worked yesterday, I was waiting for him at home (I wanted to surprise him - I put on makeup, dressed sexy and wanted to make all his wishes come true). After work, he offered to go to the same place with him. There, while I was waiting for him, I exchanged two sentences with a man standing next to me, whom I would never have looked at in my life, even if I had been free. Yes, and it was he who spoke to me - something like good weather. My husband didn't really like it.

At the beginning, I tried to explain that I was just being polite, but at some point he stopped talking to me. I felt very offended, and I also fell silent. And a little later he tried to talk to me normally, as if nothing had happened, but I had already said that I didn’t want to talk to him at the moment (it’s just test-antibiotic.com this happens all the time, he can’t spoil my mood like that from which, and then pretend that nothing happened). In general, I was just silent. And when we arrived home, I simply asked: “Why do you have to ruin such a good evening?” And I heard that I was behaving badly and that he didn’t want to see me.

A little later he tried to make peace with me, I rejected these attempts, so he told me a bunch of nasty things, including the fact that he would never have children with me. In the morning he again tried to make peace, when he realized that I was not making contact, insults and humiliation began again. And then, when I was at work, he wrote to me that, don’t be offended, my back just hurts a lot.

I'm just tired. I love him, but I can't be under constant stress anymore. At any moment, if we are close, he may not like something and in half the cases it is simply impossible to predict, and he will ruin my mood. At such moments, everything inside me sinks, and test-antibiotic.com I just don’t want to live.

For the most part, I understand why he behaves the way he does, but I can't handle his internal issues for him. I began to seriously think about possibly leaving him. I haven’t reached this point yet, but it’s nearby, 2 steps away. There are many good things about my husband. He is kind, strong, smart. He is the man who will come out of the crowd and help the weak, but at home he is different.

His internal problems andcomplexes take over him. But I don’t have the strength to prevent my self-esteem and inner state from suffering from his attacks. Another problem is that I have nowhere to get away from him. My mother lives in another city. And you can’t take time off from work in the summer. That is, if you leave, then quit your job and move far away. I don’t have any close friends here with whom I could temporarily move. Plus, I have a dog.

It would be possible to rent an apartment, but that also has its problems. I'll try to hold out and test-antibiotic.com ignore him long enough for him to realize that this is serious and my patience is really running out. And then we will try to agree on the behavior and spheres of influence of each of us.

True, this is already a straw. If nothing changes in the coming months, I will apply fordivorce . I would really like to hear some practical advice on how to possibly save the family.

I’m ready to change, moreover, I’ve already changed a lot (before marriage I didn’t cook, I didn’t make compromises, and most importantly my motto was - if you don’t like it, goodbye). But, to be honest, I have the feeling that the better I become, the worse my husband behaves.

I have now re-read everything I wrote and realized that we have no chance with him. We need to get a divorce. Moreover, the sooner the better (I’m almost 30 and I want children). But a foolish heart hopes that even if it is one in a thousand, perhaps there is a chance.