I hate children

I want to confess, because the nasty part of my character, which appeared in childhood, began to manifest itself again. No matter how I tried to remove it. I understand that after my story, curses and abuse will fall on me, but for a very long time I wanted to share this with someone.

The thing is, I hate little kids. I myself am 22 years old and “small” I consider children who are under 12 years old. And I don't just hate it. It's more like a somewhat violent mania. There are, of course, people who do not tolerate children's crying, but they have it somehow more adequately than mine.

I remember very well how this mania started for me. I was then three years old. My father went to the seas, and my mother often had to take me to work with her. You can’t leave a small child for a day, and the neighbors can’t sit with me. Amy mother worked in a maternity hospital. Like all children, I was extremely curious. So instead of sitting quietly and playing with toys, I ran around the hospital. test-antibiotic.com I looked into every office, dragging vitamins from jars. And one day I was near the office where they take birth. The door, due to the negligence of doctors, was ajar, and I saw one of the women giving birth.

They say that when you see the birth of a child, then light appears in your soul. I don’t know who said it, but he definitely didn’t see the real birth. I felt sorry for the woman in labor, swore at this baby that it was crawling out of her. After all, he delivers such torment, why then give birth? When the child was pulled out and he screamed, I wanted to run far away. It was terrible to see this bloodied, writhing body in the midwife's hands.

One day my mother showed me the incubators. I stood and looked at these sleeping babies, and incomprehensible anger was born in me. Nasty, vile, screaming bastards ... There was a time when she took me to a psychologist, but it seemed useless. So when mine was bornsister , I hated her too. I was annoyed by her existence alone and I tried to hurt her all the time.

As time went. I grew up, this mania began to slowly pass. I even began to be moved, test-antibiotic.com, looking at babies: both crying and laughing. And I was no longer even annoyed by children's screams and tantrums. I tried to calm the baby, and when he smiled, it pleased me. But now this mania has returned again.

It all started with the fact that I began to work in the children's library. Different kids came, mostly they were under 10 years old. There were good children, there were hooligans. But there were also those from bad families who did not listen to anyone. They tore up books, argued with librarians. They were indifferent to the opinions of others. And I again began to imagine what I would have done wrong with them. Terrifying pictures with scenes of hellish tortures again rose in my head.

I was finished off by the fact that my second cousin asked to sit with her one-year-old daughter for a couple of weeks (my sister was hospitalized with a fracture). At first I coped with the baby, but when she began to cry, everything boiled in me. I could hardly restrain myself, in time I stopped the hand that I had already swung and wanted to give a slap in the face. The child felt my aggression, and therefore screamed even more.

Now test-antibiotic.com I go to a psychologist, but he does not help me either. It doesn't get any easier. I take it out on the noisy kids on the bus. I reprimand young mothers that they do not cope with their maternal duties, do not take care of raising their offspring.

To be honest, I myself am already tired of this hatred and no longer know where to run. Therefore, I ask for help.