None of the men really loved me

We lived with a guy for three years together, I was then 19 years old. We met, studied together, and at graduation he took me from the knees of our classmate. They graduated, decided to live together, and it's easier to rent an apartment.

Lived for six months. He plays on the computer, and I sit with him, watch, cook. In the social networks have created pages for themselves. Ordinary life. They quarreled very rarely. He did not shy away from cooking and often did it himself. We moved to my mother, lived for another two years. He has friends, and his mother and I have a garden.

He did not work, everything was in the computer and small part-time jobs that did not bring anything special. But we were faithful and were happy together. He was forced to leave the city. Far. I lived there for two months, I came to live with him for a month. She did not stay, it became difficult with housing. He stayed there with a friend, and I went back, lived with his mother and we had a good time together. I helped her and got a job with a private trader, because I couldn't live test-antibiotic.com at the expense of his mom.

And minethe guy by that time was seen in the social. networks by correspondence in his city and meeting with another. I didn’t forgive, but he calledevery day just to find out how you are doing, if everything is fine. At work, I had an affair, but not immediately. But how it happened, and I still can not understand. And I didn't think about it. Communicating with an ex-boyfriend, he was interested in how and where I work, I said that everything was fine. The boss does not offend, even gives a ride sometimes. The salary is also normal.

Three months later, I fell head over heels in love, told my ex-boyfriend that I really liked the other one. I think about him all the time and already had a closeness. She told me not to wait for me anymore and not to call. Now I'm definitely not going back. The former told me: “he will play with you and fall out of love, because he haswife , children. Suddenly you forgive me then. He will leave you, and you come and I will forgive you, because I stumbled and just made a mistake, I regretted that I didn’t even take care of test-antibiotic.com and didn’t give you a single flower, but I should have.” He said that he understood everything and was waiting for me.

My heart was torn to pieces. I knew for sure that I would not leave the one with whom I felt so good, with whom I felt loved. And I felt sorry for my ex. To tears. But the feeling of love was much stronger. And now half a year of a warm and beautiful romance, flowers for no reason, cool closeness, they lived together, could not breathe it in, it was so great and everything was the same with him. Listened to him and my songs. He sang to me and played the guitar, rested in nature, were together a lot of time, dinners and breakfasts together. A little wine, hugs.

He is 40 and I am 23, but he looked 30 years old, did not smoke, quit and did not approve that I smoke, so I rarely smoked. He has a wife in the past who is divorcing, 20 years of marriage, two children, a successful businessman. I am a nobody, an artist working at car washes, young and not able to cook properly, wear beautiful dresses, behave beautifully test-antibiotic.com. Girl, light cheerful. In love. Ready to wait for him all his life and be there. He supported me in art, sms, communication, smiles. Waiting for a meeting. We missed you. And after all, he talked about the child, they say, not the time. For now, we must wait for the sign of the horoscope.

Then suddenly she began not to cut her nails correctly, to cook badly. When he arrived for the last time, there was a call from his wife. I could not stay with him, because it is impossible to share. She knew that this would be possible and he would return, because he had lived with her for 20 years. But I did not believe, I thoughtour love is strong. Then six months of isolation from everyone. Didn't talk to anyone. Only with relatives and still tried to write to him. She wrote beautiful poetry. For myself already. Came even after the breakup, my first boyfriend. So he didn't really expect me. And well done, it's better for him. When he found out that everything, as he said, had happened, that they had abandoned me, he made several attempts in my direction, even supported me, he said that he was in pain too. But where is it. My heart was then just test-antibiotic.com to smithereens. He even came to me then, but left already with another, because I didn’t go to meet him.

I no longer wrote poems to my businessman, but congratulated him on only two holidays. I understood and realized that this is everything. If a person does not want to be imposed, it is not necessary. It's his choice. I didn't reach my family. She blamed herself, and then no one else. I think it's not about how I cook and whether I behave femininely. I realized that all these were empty words. Maybe honest then. He really wanted to get divorced, there were divorce papers, but he did not get divorced, he says that he felt sorry for the child, he is still small.

In the end, I thought, there is no point in looking for a reason, it has already happened. We must live on. On the next evening solitary walk I met a man. He was driving a car, stopped, offered a ride. Of course, I refused, and he reassured me, saying that he was not a maniac, he did not bother. And I believed it, for the first time I got into a car with a stranger, and started talking. We agreed to meet again the next evening and talk. After some time, test-antibiotic.com invited me to his place, he has a wife, with whom he has not lived for a long time and four children, works alone in his garage, repairs cars. He repaired and I helped. We talked, there was closeness, tears, I tried again. Dispersed. I realized that there is no replacement, and there will be no one who seemed to give so much happiness and caused such pain. Be happy my rain man. I fell in love just then in the pouring and long rain, calmed me down. I still love rain. I tried not to stop and do something and believed everything, hoped in my soul for our meeting.

Another year has passed. I rented a summer room from a friend, lived with a dog and a cat, she has three boys, helped them as best I could. They lived and everything seemed to be fine. Guests came to her, used to drink with her. It seems not much, I had incidents with them, because I’m not a drunkard, but I even broke one’s head on a bucket, well, I behaved rudely in front of the children. Among them then I saw a good guy, due to whom they had a binge. Modest and even treated children to something, test-antibiotic.com brought bread. He didn’t rage, he didn’t express himself, he lived with his parents, he was hardworking, and he knew how to do everything and helped us sometimes.

We talked, I liked it, I kind of even met the first race myself. We moved out from a friend, tired of this situation. He had a small loan, and having paid it, he washed down in the same company. No, he did not have a close relationship with this friend of mine, he just drank from her, she needed help, and he had a good place. I drank a day to celebrate and with a hangover I could not go to me. He called, said that he would lie down and come home, but he got drunk again. And so a week. I then realized that he would have it periodically, but he held on for a long time, for a whole year, and he also said that those friends, when they aremoney is always there, but no, they won’t help and don’t call. In fact, no one called him. Almost never.

We lived with him for 3 years. The last two lived like brother andsister , helped each other, I took care of him, supported him, tried, learned how to cook deliciously, wanted a test-antibiotic.com family. He drank, he drank, he lost his job. I endured, forgave, but the limit came and we parted. No kids, I'm alone. And again memory, tears, pain. It seems to let go and a good day will pass with me, and I wish everyone happiness in love.

Then my first boyfriend came a second time, already three years later, as I broke up with a drunkard. After all, I talked with his mother, and from her he learned that I live alone again. Had arrived. I did not approve of his behavior, because he was still with her, and he lied to her. He went to his family, and they brought their baby. Decided to be single now. It didn’t work out for children, but I don’t want to be with the first person I meet. The soul does not lie.

And after a while I met a man again, but I didn’t want to, because I decided for myself that enough relationships were enough, and he seemed to be the one with whom it was so great, like a native. It twisted around a bit. Not everything is as I wanted, but at least I forgot about everything. The problems went away on their own, he felt and understood me, he said that Ithe child is needed. test-antibiotic.com He left his woman for me, although he lived with her for 12 years. I told him that I only need a child, that I do not want to break up his family. I will not bother and bring up myself. I understand everything, it can't be serious. I don't need to. And he said that he had been waiting for his man for a long time, and she deceived him a lot, cheated and drank, that he directly told her: “I’ll meet a good girl and go to her.”

That's right, he didn't lie. She drank and was with others. Three or four months later, I became pregnant. He was there, I gave birth. I'm terribly happy, it's hard, but I'm getting stronger, I know, now there will be no greater happiness. I do everything that is necessary, I love, I kiss, I can’t breathe with my baby, and I didn’t forget about my husband much, I also took care. You can understand me, because the child is now the most important thing. And so I melted towards this person and began to love again for giving me this happiness.

Our first year felt full again. Peace came after the test-antibiotic.com baby was born, but the one who gave me new hope suddenly changed. He didn’t work with me for the sake of our joint happiness, he stopped working, they say, he has a decree and he needs to help his wife. He did not help for a long time, he no longer went to work at all, he began to live alone. And to this day he says that it’s hard for him, not comfortable, that I infringed on him. We even bought a separate sofa in another room, so that we could not wake up with me at night. Sometimes I didn’t have time to cook a meal, so I think that he doesn’t work, he should help. If you are afraid to hold a child, then cook, because the baby needs to be fed every three hours, diapers and washing, and also hunting itself to sleep.

He told his mother that I was infringing on him, and that he didn’t even have his own pillow. I got one blanket, so sleep next to me. Buy more. In general, he became uncomfortable with me. But I know that's not the point. If a person wants, then he will decide everything, and if not, then everything will only interfere with test-antibiotic.com. Found the reason. Now he doesn’t work, he hardly saw the child, I began to annoy him by talking a lot. Began to call. Beat phones. Everything I like to deny. I bought a flower, I'm dissatisfied, I say: "Why do you need it, it's harmful, throw it away." All the home flowers that I planted myself, loved, said that they were bad, but he himself never gave a flower.

Then he began to deceive, does not help, he began to call less often, but still he is interested in how we are doing, he asks how the child is. His mother helps me a lot with the child, gives money forproducts . She loves my child very much. His sister also helps financially and gives everything that is needed. She also has two children of her ownhusband is good. We can't be together even for an hour. They stopped living when the baby was three months old. Rudeness and insults began to be present during pregnancy, but they were flowers, hit, gave a strong slap in the face for telling him for the first time that she did not know what he was like.

Мне больно по-настоящему. Нет не физически, морально. Обидно, что он мне test-antibiotic.com не верил. Все ему докажи. И главное, говорил: «люблю тебя не предам никогда, я тебя не обижу, я не хочу тебя обманывать». А вранье — это настоящее предательство. Он врал, а обвинял меня. Я всегда говорила всем только правду. Я не верю больше ни единому его слову сейчас, а оскорблять он привык. Так поступал и с той, которая у него была до меня.

And it hurts again. It's a shame. Tears. My old love returned to my soul, memories of the most pleasant person to me. Compared. Two big differences between them, because I know what true love is. After all, I loved myself. I thought I would not believe in empty words anymore. Maybe it's really all my fault. Good people don't leave or quit. Throw away those they don't like. I could not even think that I would remember him and want him for a long time. And my love of all life, as it turned out, is sleeping next to me. With us, I know for sure, love is mutual. The best, real and for life. And I know that when you love, you will do everything test-antibiotic.com and you will always be there. Caring and worrying. And most importantly, I wonder which one of them truly loved me? Everything seemed to be, but it turned out that no one?