The guy doesn't deserve a girl like me

How to stop feeling guilty? My boyfriend (we live together) really likes to go on a drinking spree, that is, every weekend he goes to another city where his parents and friends live, and there he and these friends drink heavily for several days.

I can’t call him an alcoholic, since he behaves decently at home, but when he leaves, horror begins. I am a student, we discussed the topic that I do not earn money, but study, he said that he is able to provide for both, and forbade me to work, since the study schedule is different and I cannot work at a certain time, but all finances go to his weekends . Of course we buy the necessaryproducts , but this is the maximum.

More than once, during quarrels, in order to hurt me, he said that he didn’t love me, it happened that I didn’t even leave the house, because there were large bruises on my face. She left him more than once and moved. To put it mildly, “I crawled on my knees,” I understand that it’s my own fault, since I forgive, but I can’t do anything. I don't love this man, but something is holding me back. I learned about other test-antibiotic.com girls many times, calls, correspondence, gossip, but I am a person who, until I see it myself, will not believe it. Calls? So this issister _ Correspondence? Yes, these are old ones. He called me by other people's names more than once.

IThe girl is adequate and I understand that it is possible to make a mistake, but still. I have always been in the attention of men, I don’t stand out, I don’t wear makeup, my clothes are modest and covered (they say this is due to lack of self-confidence), but men always look after me. Since I am not free, I ignore all signs of attention. And recently, my ex-boyfriend wrote to me (they broke up due to distance three years ago), my firstlove , firstman , the man I was engaged to. He is very kind, gallant, very handsome in appearance, no bad habits, good job. And I answered. He courted me before, but I didn’t react.

And I'm incredibly ashamed. I never interacted with other men during my relationship. This may be stupid for some, but mineeducation does not allow this. I myself realize that my young man is not worthy of what I do for him, he test-antibiotic.com walks, rides with others, but I feel very embarrassed. How can I remove this guilt? I believe that I have the right to do the same as him, but this feeling of guilt eats me up.