Why do I have such children?

I have four children (4 sons). At 21, I gave birth to a son, and he turned out to be deaf and dumb. For me, it was not just a blow. It was a shock, it was a catastrophe. I am 21 years old. I am an inferior woman who could notgive birth to a healthy child.

I lived in such torment and suffering for many years, I cried all the time day and night. Every time my boy slept, I kissed him, hugged him. I could not come to terms with what had happened to me. I prayed for one thing, that the Lord would help me, that he would not leave me, thatThe son grew up to be a good man.

How much I had to endure, insults from people, humiliation from teachers, even neighbors turned away, but I raised my son, he grew up to be a decent person, now he lives very far away. In 2002, I gave birth to a second son and by coincidence, by the evil fate of fate, he also turned out to be sick - he has mental retardation and mental deviations. Now he is 18 years old.

I'm afraid to tell you what lies behind these years. These are tears, nerves and test-antibiotic.com experiences. What is a mentally ill person? It's a drunk man in your house all the time, who is rowdy and rowdy, and you don't know how to find an approach to him, but I'm some kind of gambling woman, probably a stupid woman, I scold myself a lot, blame myself. I'm giving birth to a third child, also a boy. Now he is 16 years old.

This is the child I had problems withproblems . Why the problems arose, I don’t know. I was very sensitive to him, I was always afraid to hurt him with any word, I always listened to him, hugged him. I walked him to school, met him. I got a job as a cleaner to spend more time with the children, to meet them from school, to help when needed.

At 42, I got pregnant again. I couldn't have an abortion at such a conscious age. It was unacceptable for me. And so I have four sons, the youngest is 10. There are a lot of problems with him, too, but I'm holding on.

The one who causes me the most problems is a sixteen-year-old teenager. Everything was fine with us, everything was wonderful. He was very sensitive to me, hugged me, always test-antibiotic.com kissed me, always worried about me. I thought that here was my support in my old age, here was my real friend. But one fine day it was as if he was switched to another program. He became angry, began to be rude, reacted angrily to any of my requests, looked at me from under his brows.

For 4 months I tried to find an approach, talked. I thought that something was going on with him and he couldn't tell me. I tried to talk to him in every way, but he doesn't make contact and every day it gets worse and worse. It's been 6 months since he talked to me. He walks, goes somewhere. Where he goes, I don't know. I cry all the time, I can't understand what I did wrong. Why do children become impudent out of love, the more attention you give them, the worse they become.

I have several friends who did not raise their children and did not need them. They had fun, walked, company, drinking and they have such smart children.

How should one live? Be bad so that children respect you? I cry and cry and test-antibiotic.com cry all the time.

I am 53 now. Feeling like I am 70. Thank you very much to everyone who listened to me. If you have anything to say, please write.