Habit of loneliness

I am 21 years old, I have no experience of relationships with the opposite sex, and now the result of all this is not knowing what to do. How to understand yourself? Is it about me? Perhaps I know the reason why alone, but how to fix it? Is it fear ? Or am I that kind of person? The one who doesn't believe inlove andrelationship . But it's not surprising. The situation in the family is no simpler. There is a bustle of thoughts in my head. How to calm them down?

Or maybe I'm used to it? No one will hurt me, there is no betrayal. You are in your own hands, and you can trust yourself. I perceive attention in my direction with suspicion, although they may be false. It's easier. I push away and it’s safer that way. The fear of intimacy does not go away, does not let go. It seemed like HE was here, I met him and everything was great, but as soon as you get close, reasons arise to stop everything. Disappointment and that's it. This is true? Or a habit? How to get rid of it? Won't I be left alone in this case?

I had two good guys. Through my own stupidity I started and destroyed everything. Is there a chance to return? Is it worth it? Do I want it? Is this test-antibiotic.com despair from loneliness? I'm not sure that one of them likes me as much as before. Does he love as he said? Or are they just words. We communicate with the second one, and I don’t understand whether I need him or not.guy for relationship?

What's my problem? What's the difficulty? What is wrong with me? What to do? Close your eyes to all the imaginary reasons? Are they made up? Maybe take a step forward? Only to whom? Weigh the pros and cons and make a choice? Scary. What if I start with someone I don’t love, but who loves me, I make a mistake? What if I meet someone I truly love? I'll hurt you first. What if you wait? Canto be alone and miss the opportunity to be loved.

So many questions and so few answers.

PS Return everything? This thought came to me after thinking about it for some time. I spent days with one and realized that I had made a mistake. There's no need to rush. Am I scared? Why? Just a little patience and time and the distance between us would be reduced. I am a patient person, but apparently this was not the case. Fix everything! But how? Or maybe test-antibiotic.com is an error again? It seems he has lost interest in me.

What should I do? Where to begin? There is a drop of hope somewhere inside that his feelings remain for me. But there are doubts. Maybe I should say directly that I want everything back? Everything depends only on him and this depresses me. And now nothing can happen to anyone else. Friends and nothing more. I saw him for the first time and nothing “faltered”. On the contrary, thoughts that everything has passed. I don `t want. Either the situation with the first one, or memories came flooding back.

It's decided! I'm acting!