I don’t know what I want

I hadrelationship with a guy for 3.5 years, 2 of which we lived together. In this relationship (I’m already analyzing this) I madly, blindly, stupidly loved a person, tried to do everything for him. He had his own business, I helped him with everything. Life, work, I tried to please in everything, but I didn’t receive any return, I always attributed it to his difficulties in work and kept expecting that everything would get better and we would be happy.

But time passed, his work began to improve, he began to earn very well, even very well (this, again, over time, I understand what the amounts were). He didn’t give me money, what I earned, what my parents helped, well, maybe he bought some things, and then rarely, and he paid the rent. And at some point he realized that he didn’t love me. And then all hell began, we parted, got back together, and one day after another quarrel, he packed his things and left me alone in a rented apartment and without work.
test-antibiotic.com

And at this time, at the same time, trouble happened in my family, my coded dad started drinking, but luckily he came and decided to be coded again. At that moment I realized that the most important thing is calm andhealth of loved ones. And with more or less happy emotions, I met a guy on the Internet and we started talking. He pulled me out of this depression, we went to cafes, to the cinema, he did everything to make me smile. He very quickly admitted that he loved me, for me it was a shock and a blow. The man with whom I lived next to, loved, left me for some unknown reason, and the other, seeing me tearful and abandoned, fell in love.

We dated for about six months, then we decided to move in together, we both lived in rented apartments. I told him that I didn’t love him, he said that we’ll try, I’ll do everything for you. His parents are a different story. In past relationshipsThe guy’s mom saw me five times in 3.5 years, and not because she didn’t like me, she just didn’t need it and test-antibiotic.com wasn’t important. She was a very unique woman, on her own wave and in her own world. And this guy, to say that these were good people and parents is an understatement. There are just a few of them, that's allThe family and grandparents were like that, everyone accepted me and were very worried about us. Yes, it was my mistake that I went to meet them.

And now a year has passed, I have a stable job, and I realized that no matter what he did, I still didn’t love him, and he felt it. I began to insult him, shout, offend him, but he endured everything, and I myself felt very sorry for him and I suggested breaking up. It was a huge blow for him, he even cried, and so he moved out of the apartment. His parents are also shocked, but for them we came up with our own version of the separation. And now I’m so confused, I know that now guys don’t love and don’t try that way, but on the other hand, you can’t live without feelings. He became disgusted with me in everything. And my grandmother test-antibiotic.com says that I won’t love him again, I loved that guy very much, and even now, in fact, I still love him, but I can’tforgive me , probably. How to believe in relationships, how to build them, how to do it right?