A terribly difficult period in my life

My childhood was quite bitter, I lost mymother and brother in the summer when I was 10 years old. After the tragedy, my family began to raise mesister andfather , until my father brought a new woman in 2017. My sister left because she didn’t want to accept her into the family, but I couldn’t do anything.

The first months she was quite good and very caring, I even started to like her. Everything was fine, but one day she got very drunk and seemed like a completely different person, she insulted me, became violent, crashed the car and behaved simply inappropriately. I was very frightened by this fact, and I asked my father not to forgive her, but, of course, he did not listen to me and said: “This is my life, don’t tell me.” And he blamed everythingalcohol , that she simply did not need to drink (but she suffered from alcoholism). Probably every month or two she got drunk and it happened all over again. She insulted me, humiliated me and even when sober she laughed at test-antibiotic.com about my weight and the fact that I looked younger and the way I dressed, but my father didn't care and forgave her even after she tried to hit me while drunk. Later, I got used to living like this, and it didn’t seem new to me, I just didn’t pay attention to these intrigues.

In 2022, during the war, my stepmother got drunk again, my dad and I decided to hide her car with our neighbors (we had 2 cars) so that she wouldn’t do anything with it, we left our house and my dad decided to have a drink with friends, I also went to unwind with friends so as not to worry. It was somewhere around 6-7 pm and I decided to go home. At this time, my father was walking home in a terribly drunk state, we saw some thick smoke, because of it we could hardly see the street. We were perplexed and continued walking until we saw our house, which was blazing brightly on fire. It turns out that my stepmother, while drunk, set our house on fire. Just test-antibiotic.com imagine, my drunken father climbs into a burning house to save the lastthe money they earned. But nothing worked out, the house burned down, and my stepmother still lives somewhere. For 3 months I lived with a friend, I was under a lot of stress, I started drinking a lot, smoking and it was very difficult to be in someone else’s family, where they did not understand me, but I am grateful to them for accepting and feeding me. Later, my dad and I found an apartment and moved.

When I was little, my dearMom suffered from depression and was very cruel to us. She was jealous and insulted us, beat us, and when my brother drowned, she blamed me at the age of 10 for his death! The following month, she voluntarily died and left a suicide note.

Already in middle age, when I lived in the village with my father and stepmother, I talked with my sister and went to see her on weekends. That was the first time we started talking about relationships, boyfriends, etc. She talked about foreigners, that these are good test-antibiotic.com guys and I need a foreign oneboy. At that time I was 13 years old, and she registered me on a dating site. There she found a 29 year old American man and said that I should try dating him, I was stupid and agreed. I dated him for two years and he was a terrible abuser, he forbade me from having social networks, communicating with friends, dressing openly and every time he saw my photos on Instagram, he said that I was stupid and ugly, but at the same time continued to meet with me for a while. I even sent him intimate photos. My sister didn’t say anything about him insulting me, she said that for the sake of profit it’s okay to be patient, especially since he sometimes sends money. And she doesn’t even know that he once insulted me and brought me to such a state that I swallowed pills.

Now I am 17 years old and I realized that I am absolutely not healthy. My situation has worseneddepression and social phobia, I don’t want to live and I stopped seeing the meaning of life. I don’t take care of myself and I’ve just been degrading lying in bed for several months now, no one understands me and even my sister blocked me for a very stupid reason and called me irresponsible, selfish, stupid. She began comparing me and herself at the age of 17, pointing out that I had not achieved anything and would not achieve anything.

Due to the fact that I have social phobia, it is very difficult for me to communicate with people, but my family did not understand this and had a terrible row with me when I did not follow their instructions to go to the store or something else. They didn't even understand that I had a mental disorder and put pressure on me. My father still doesn’t know that I have depression and social phobia, that I feel bad, that I want to commit suicide and test-antibiotic.com I’m just ashamed to say about it. It seems to me that he will not understand me, because depression at 17 years old sounds too funny, and what terrible thing can happen at my age?