Everything and Nothing: Why I Cheated on My Husband

I can't tell anyone about myself, my life in full, my feelings, that's why I want to tell my story here. Thank you in advance for reading. I am constantly under emotional stress, and I feel like I'm playing some kind of role.

I am 39 years old, I have everything... or had, or thought I had. In appearance, as often happens, I have everything in "chocolate", I was often envied in many ways: goodhusband , ownapartment , approximatechild , comfort… Decentfamily , in a word. I have friends , but there is no such closeness and openness as in youth, when you trust me with your innermost secrets. I fell out of love with my husband three years after the wedding, when he cheated on me while drunk with a local ambulance. At first I forgave him, then there was a second time - his friends invited him to a sauna and he couldn't resist. But there waslove , that’s why I read him like an open book, I felt every change in him.

I forgave, but did not forget, stopped respecting, and then love evaporated. He, feeling that a threat to his measured life, became test-antibiotic.com silky, as far as hiseducation , remains in this state to this day. After the betrayal, I suddenly saw all his shortcomings, began to catch myself thinking that living with him was a burden to me. But by inertia I lived, worked, raised my son. My husband , on the contrary, began to love me more, I would even say - with fanaticism, that those around me noticed and admired how lucky I was, and it infuriated me. I asked him for a divorce, said that I did not have enough air next to him, he suffocated me with his unnecessary love, and he looked at me with a puppy look and just waited for my monologue to end and for me to calm down. Sometimes he said that I was just tired, it was nerves, etc. In addition, myMom didn’t understand why I suddenly decided to leave my son without a father.

I myself sometimes wondered, why am I really going crazy with fat? And I continued to exist. When I was alone with myself, I realized that I was acting cowardly, I was simply afraid of losing what I had. Sometimes I dreamed that test-antibiotic.com might leave on his own when he once again realized that he was unpleasant to me, I apologize, even in bed, although I have never met a better lover. He no longer lived in my heart. With my coldness, I completely suppressed him, turned him into a henpecked husband who caught my every word, I decided everything in the house. By the way, I didn’t like it, but apparently it suited him, since he tolerated it.

I want to say that I have reached such a state of mind that it makes no difference whether I am free or not. Many years passed like this. I worked, and he did too, but there was not enough money. I always thought that it was shameful to be greedy and demand from others.husband - I want a lot of money, but still hinted that I need to change jobs, offered him to study for a better-paid profession, but he only promised. My son grew up, I left my job for a not very prestigious, but better-paid one.

It must be said that my husband never changed his habits: he loved spending time with friends, going to the bathhouse,beer , daily (!) visits to his parents and did not deny himself anything. If test-antibiotic.com I expressed dissatisfaction with any of these events, he could spend hours persuading me just to let me go, and I no longer cared. He is still cold to his son.

I was offered a more or less well-paid position at my old job, with the condition that I would study at the company's expense. I agreed - it was my lucky ticket, or so I thought. Maybe it is, I don't know. I had to go to another city for the exams. My relatives helped me financially.

I won't describe the backstory, but I got it going therenovel . I fell in love, he was younger than me. Remorse almost drove me crazy, but as often happens, everything ended, leaving a wound in my heart, I apologize for the banality. There was passion, and feelings with a break, and endless night text messages, calls for two hours ... He is married, he confessed to his wife, there is drama, I was not ready for this - to break someonelife . HisThe wife didn't call, didn't threaten, didn't throw mud at him. She just suffered, loved him and I didn't allow myself to intrude into her world. I test-antibiotic.com remember him, he is in my heart, but in the past.

I didn't tell my husband anything out of pity for him. And again we have a family, an idyll.

I finished my studies, my boss at work changed, a young one cameguy . I still don't know how it could have happened, but we became lovers, no one knows, we have a conspiracy. Of course, it didn't happen right away: he was courting me for two years, he walked me home, we often talked about life. He behaved correctly, then we became so comfortable together that it seemed like he was my soul mate. At first, I resisted all his attempts to become closer than friends, but he was very patient and persistent, and I lived with an unloved man who did not let me out of his life.

I didn't love my lover, I don't love him, or rather, he probably doesn't love me either. I just can't define what kind of feeling he has for me. Maybe passion, but it lasted for three years, and today I put another full stop. Another, but I hope final. test-antibiotic.com There were other "fulls" in our strange relationship, I put them because I felt like a slut, and I was burning with shame and fear that someone at work would find out.

But once, he put the very first point, I even thought then that I was falling in love with this boy, I forgot about age. And he decided to get married. He said it on the phone, it was scary, apparently, to say it face to face. That's when I felt both humiliation andpain , and shame, and age. She cursed herself, saying, I knew it would be like this. And heevery day at work. I couldn't see him, I cried at night, my heart stopped. No, not from love, from humiliation and resentment, but also from anger at myself for what I had done in my life. OnlyMy son kept me on this Earth, only he. But I survived, although I had no hope, I thought it was impossibleforget and move on and enjoy life. I survived.

And as soon as I calmed down, he remembered the past. He began to persuade me to meet, to talk, as before, purely friendly.communication . At work for test-antibiotic.com I was now some kind of battlefield. I am not a minor to step on the same rake, but he was not going to give in either. He called me to his office. And persuaded, and threatened, and promised a promotion. He tried to show his power, took revenge for the "misunderstanding". He gave me so much work that I, not having time to do everything, was late. But I did not give in out of principle and some kind of revenge, and I still laughed to myself and triumphed.

I must say that I have no enemies at work, and my sense of humor is also fine, we often get together as a team, we like to have fun and joke, organize tea parties and corporate events. I am not only in good standing with the team, but also on good terms with everyone. Therefore, if I also started to take revenge, everyone would be on my side, I would try, which I hinted to him. He gave in, I won.

Six months passed, and we celebrated the professional anniversary with the whole department.holiday , it was fun, everyone relaxed, including me. And everything started spinning again. Almost after each test-antibiotic.com time I regretted it, put a "full stop", but we had already been through so much together, we knew each other like ourselves. Work again, close contact,habit , you constantly feel his scent, his touch accidentally excites and knocks your breath away. But literally yesterday we agreed that that's it - we can't do this anymore, it's some kind of obsession. He asked me to change my perfume and hairstyle so that they don't remind him of the past. I agreed. I can do it, but he - I don't know.

My husband is now in another city, he and his relatives have opened their own business. For this, I sold the apartment and moved in with my mother. I don’t want to move in with my husband and I don’t want to stay at my job. My son will soon finish school and then I need to decide something. I’m confused, by the age of forty I’ve lost my bearings in life. I know that I can cope, for the sake of my child I’ll pull myself together. I just needed to tell, to share with someone. Thank you.