I missed the love of my life

When I was 16 years old, I fell in love. Irrevocably. Head over heels. Almost at first sight. But, alas, completely unrequited.

We studied at the same school, but in different classes. Ignoring the rule that girls don’t write to boys first, I wrote to him. And more than once. I tried to start a conversation, to get to know him better. In response, I received only cold short messages like “yes”, “yeah”. There was no initiative from him even then. At the same time, I was crazy about him, literally crazy. I liked him absolutely every way. Yes, I have never been so in love with anyone in my life. And for him I was just some strange, unfamiliar girl from school.

In my attempts to attract his attention, I got into such incidents that it completely ruined his impression of me (he called me and my friends idiots). When all my hopes for him finally died, I despaired of taking the extreme step. Confessed everything to him. And again cold and short: “Yes, I knew for a long time, it was visible.” I test-antibiotic.com was so offended by his attitude towards my feelings that I decided to justforget him, but it didn’t work out.

More than a year passed, and I wrote to him again as if nothing had happened. And all the same dry answers from him. He didn't even congratulate mebirthday , despite the fact that I mentioned it the day before. And now, 2 and a half years after I first saw him, I still love him. Stupid, I know. But I can’t help myself. And the worst thing is not even that I love him unrequitedly, but that I constantly think that I myself am to blame for this. For example, I have scoliosis and I can’t always keep my back straight, maybe this scared him off (hunchback is not aesthetically pleasing, although in principle I can straighten my back, but I either forget about it or am lazy). Or the fact that she found herself in terribly stupid situations in front of his eyes.

And the thoughts constantly gnaw at me: “What if I hadn’t done this, test-antibiotic.com he would have fallen in love with me, what if we were together, what if I had kept my back straight, he would have paid attention to me” . You can’t even imagine how tired I am of all this. I'm only 19 years old, but it feels like everythinglife is behind. Mythe question is not even how to stop loving him, but how to stop tormenting myself with what I missedlove of your life? How to stop blaming yourself for this?