My wife didn’t appreciate my love and I was left broke

My wife and I lived together for 12 years, but my wife died half a year ago.father , but this is understandable grief, mywife andMy mother was dissuaded from going to the funeral because I didn’t have time to go there for two and a half days anyway.

But on the third day I receive a photo from the funeral, my relatives sent it: everything went right and normal. But when I saw the photo, I lost it a little, I might say, and drank in the garage so that no one would see, but my wife guessed about it and the next day, when she said that you got drunk, I tried to explain, that this happened because of the photo, it really hurt me. And at that moment I was expecting words of support from her, but instead I heard on the phone (she was away these days) that if he was so dear to you, why didn’t you go to the funeral? And at that moment something snapped inside me.

And then I faded away to her, passedlove , later, during some heart-to-heart talk, she test-antibiotic.com admitted that she did not want children from me because she already had two, and she was happy with everything and everything was, roughly speaking, because of her selfishness, Now I I have completely lost interest in her, but at the thought of divorce, something gnaws at me.

Although the mind understands that there is nothing even connecting us with her except for those days when we seemed to be happy, and now I understand that these were illusions. And after I told her everything, she suddenly wanted everything from me. Her last name is not even her maiden name, but her deceased onehusband , and children naturally too.

And so I realized that this convinced me that she was a stranger to me. I was disgusted that for twelve years she didn’t even hint about changing her last name (although she promised to change it in 4-5 years due to business, but she didn’t change it and didn’t even hint, althoughher friend constantly reminded her of this during the holidays).

And now, after the death of my father, when everything became indifferent to me, she suddenly saw the light and was ready for anything, but here I don’t want test-antibiotic.com, but I don’t want to be forced, and this can be regarded as on my part, as not like blackmail. And this is not for me. But she’s so all right, my conscience gnaws at me because of the children and relatives, because there were plans, but I feel something, that what I’m doing is something wrong. Help me figure it out, I’m 35, she’s 46, we lived for 12 years, and now she even agrees to IVF, but I don’t agree to IVF, I don’t know why?

Help me understand myself. I think that it will be better for me with my mother, and that I will meet someone who will take my last name and give birth to a child for me and want to be mine completely and create a full-fledged family. I'm in despair, my conscience is gnawing at me.