I live with a man for whom I feel nothing

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years. These are my first and one might say heavyrelationship _

From the very beginning, we had frequent quarrels due to the fact that we rarely saw each other, and in general I did not feel like his girlfriend. It seemed to me that he was avoiding me. I began to notice that he constantly surfs the Internet, adds all sorts of girls as friends, but at the same time he rarely writes to me and says that he is busy. Then I saw his profile on a dating app, and everything immediately became clear to me.

We argued for a long time, but decided to stay together and everything seemed to be fine. After some time, it all faded away, many good impressions and shared moments pushed these bad memories into the background. He proposed to me a year ago, we moved in together and everything seemed to be fine. But literally in the summer, when I was going through a difficult period in my life, then I was very tired at work, I also got sick and lay with a fever for several days, I began to notice that he was constantly sitting on test-antibiotic.com phone, going to the toilet with by telephone. I asked him if he was communicating with someone, he always denied and said that I was already paranoid.

But one morning I took his phone as a joke and wanted to take it away so that he would not be distracted from work. He didn’t want to give it away, and then when I took it away, he frantically asked for it back. And then, when I gave it to him, he immediately went to the bathroom. Then I decided to go into his laptop and for good reason! The messenger contained a huge list of his correspondence with girls. I still don’t understand how he could manage to be with me and correspond with me at the same time. Why didn't I notice anything? I saw intimate correspondence, where he wrote that he would like to fall asleep next to her now, snuggling, and what he would do to her, he wrote to her “good morning, my queen.”

It was all like a knife to the heart for me. I then wanted to leave him. He apologized, almost cried. After test-antibiotic.com some time I gave it a second chance. But after some 2 months, new circumstances opened up. I found out that he often surfed the dating site,sex dating, I saw a lot of downloaded applications on his phone over the past year. That's all. It was as if something clicked for me. Before all this, I was gentle with him, took care of him. And now, I don’t care so much about everything connected with him, all that’s left is irritation for any reason. I no longer feel sexual desire for him, I find his touch unpleasant. And the worst thing is that now there is a person in my life in whom I feel some kind of interest. If before I didn’t pay attention to anyone, now everything has changed. I wanted a family with my boyfriend, but he ruined everything and now I don’t know how to live on. I feel very bad for him, despite the fact that he is trying to change. I think I can no longer give him minelove , I want to run away from him, run anywhere. Is test-antibiotic.com really that’s all, and there’s only parting ahead? It’s a pity that I spent my 4 years like this, I wouldn’t want to ruin everything.

What to do in such a situation. It is very difficult to live with a person for whom you no longer feel anything. I can’t let go of the grudge and every day I feel worse and worse. Sometimes I really want to tell him that I don’t love him anymore and leave. Is it possible to forgive this? It’s very painful that while I was waiting for him and missing him, he was having fun on the side. And now, after all this, it’s changing for the better, but I just don’t want all this anymore.