It's Complicated

I have a friend. We have been communicating for 4 years now. Already in the first year, he admitted his sympathy for me, but I could not reciprocate. The reason, I think, was not a lack of sympathy for the person, but fear. It wasfear of others, as well as of parents. They kept me strict in terms of my studies as a child. They demanded good results in sports and better grades. In adolescence, this ended, but only because (it seems to me) that I myself began to control my actions, attach great importance to studies and everything. The results were excellent, but my demands on myself are annoying. I always hammered into my head the thought that became my incentive - “to make my parents proud.” When things didn't work out, I beat myself up more than I expected from my parents. Now they don’t care about my successes. They trust me.

Let's go back toguy . I was afraid to communicate closely with him because of the judgment of my parents, who might find out. They would have considered it not serious, in my teenage years, when you need to devote yourself to studying for a successful future. After my test-antibiotic.com apology to the guy for refusing, I despised myself for being cruel. Butthe guy was a good person, we continued to communicate for several years on the Internet, a couple of times I went out for a walk, also afraid of being noticed by someone.

When the guy found a girlfriend, I moved away. It seemed to me that oursThe relationship is already complicated, I will only interfere with it. Six months later they broke up, I don’t know the reason. Even as his best friend, he didn’t tell me, and it’s awkward to ask. Our communication continued at the same level. We were indispensable to each other, told secrets, asked for advice, sought consolation, he knew about the guys who liked me. They just sympathized. We even joked about this topic sometimes. That was a long time ago.

In the fall at the end of 2015, group work brought this guy together with my classmate. They talked later as friends. This did not interfere with our friendship. As a result, they became close. How hard it was for me to think that they were dating! But it was true. From now on, I combine joy for a person dear to me who deserves happiness and test-antibiotic.comjealousy , no matter how stupid it may sound. I’m still embarrassed to even communicate with him, what if I’m an obstacle in their relationship? We don't communicate so often now. But I'm starting to understand how dear he is to me. I don’t know what I really feel for him, but it’s definitely affection. Recently, accidentally talking about the past, he said that even after my refusal at the beginning of communication, he did not lose hope.

MainThe question I would like to get an answer to is: “Should I distance myself from these two people completely and give them a chance at happiness?” At the same time, I will need to distract myself andforget about the past. Or should I play the role of an old and dear friend, holding back my selfish claims on the person and lack of communication with him?

It's difficult for me now because I'm lonely. This man has meant a lot to me over the past few years. Now I believe inthe boomerang rule and I understand that I deserve all the tears that I shed. He was once rejected and hurt by me, although he always denied it, he waited. And now its test-antibiotic.comhappiness is developing before my eyes, and is so difficult for me to perceive. I can't accept this without a bit of regret, so that I could be in that placegirls . But I can't swear that I love him as much as she probably does.