I hate this life

I hate the whole world lately:husband for hisbetrayal and betrayal, children - for disobedience and constant hysterics, myself for becoming so embittered and grumpy, my mother - for constant control of my life.

I no longer have any feelings left except anger and irritability, I don’t enjoy life, I’m not touched, I don’t love. It feels like everything good that I used to have was pumped out of me. Sometimes I don’t even recognize myself. After his betrayal, my husband and I live together, but now I’m paranoid that he’s still cheating on me. The eldest sonhealth problems , he is constantly sick, he has become absent-minded, he is rude to me, I have no strength to fight him anymore. It’s also useless to talk to mom, all conversations end with me being the bad one.mother , a bad housewife, and without her I wouldn’t have achieved anything in life (he believes thatmy husband married me only through her efforts). I no longer dream of anything, I don’t want anything, it’s disgusting to look at myself in the mirror, I don’t want to go out anywhere, cook, clean (although my husband calls me pedantic and obsessed with cleanliness).

I often catch myself thinking that I don’t want to live, but I can’t do it, I would like to see what my children have become, how they have grown up. This is the only thing that stops me, and I’m afraid to leave them to someone else. In general, you can’t describe everything in this text, but I wanted to at least partly speak out, because there’s really no one to talk to. Please don’t write about how things are worse for someone else, I feel bad here and now, and I feel bad personally.