I am indifferent to myself and to people

My name is Alina. I am a student, I am 21 years old. I live in some kind of fog: I am not interested in mylife , my destiny, people. I can’t call myself a sociopath - I have friends, but I see them very rarely. My family characterizes me as difficult: I am quick-tempered, vindictive, cynical, I can offend with a word and often do this. I have little interest in anything, interest quickly appears in any subject, person, hobby, then I just as quickly burn out and again wait for something or someone who will make me interested.

As a child and teenager, any activity I started to do would quickly bear fruit, but after the first praise, award, or other manifestation of success, I would stop doing that hobby/sport.

It’s probably worth talking about relationships with the opposite sex. Once in my life I had longrelationship 4.5 years. Now we communicate with that young man in a friendly manner. In addition to him, I had many short novels and non-reciprocal loves, which later worried me for a long time. As the young man with whom we met for a long time noted, in my test-antibiotic.com facial expression one can read indifference to the interlocutor, indifference. I am lacking initiative, I am afraid and do not like to show signs of attention, because several times I was painfully mistaken in young people.

It's hard for me to force myself to do anything. I'm studying at a university, but I'm just trying not to be expelled - my academic success leaves much to be desired. I’m soon 21 years old, but I still don’t understand who I want to be and what to do. I don’t work - job searches have rarely yielded positive results, because I want and demand more, I don’t agree to work as a servant, and real knowledge and skills do not allow me to apply for higher positions.

I’m really well-developed and versatile, but I feel like I’m getting stupider every day because I’m not engaged in self-development, I’m not interested in anything. It’s as if I’m waiting for some miracle, I can’t try on the role of an office worker, I don’t know how and physically can’t get up early, sleep little and do routine work. Father highlights somemoney for monthly expenses, but it’s barely enough for half the month.

I grew up test-antibiotic.com in a family where the only breadwinner wasfather _ He earns a lot, but even with his level of income, he cannot allow me to idle, because in addition to me, he provides for two more children and his mother. I used to be allowed a lot, because my dad saw himself in me, he hoped that I had an entrepreneurial spirit, but I, apparently, disappointed him.

Now I feel like a disgraced member of the family, it seems to me that my life is over. I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen everything, I know everything, and I don’t want absolutely anything. In winter I found joy in snowboarding, in summer, i.e. Now, I have nothing to do except read, watch movies, go to the gym.

I am constantly sad and sad. I only have two states - either I’m very sad, or a little less sad. Sometimes I want to communicate with people, but having satisfied my need for communication, I can avoid these people for a long time. It upsets me that I have been smoking for many years, and now I have started drinking, and the worst thing is that this is an uncontrolled process - I test-antibiotic.com drink alone, in most cases. I don't know what to do now, I don't want anything. I'm sick of everything.