I regret that I didn’t divorce my husband earlier and become happy.

I have been reading confessions on this site for several months. I am horrified by what I have done. I did not attach importance to my misdeed. I reassured myself that one misdeed is not a vice.

I can't talk to anyone. I can't keep it to myself either. Tears are flowing like a river. I don't know what to do? I decided to write my ownconfession on the site to speak out.

My husband and I are already old, although we look good, and both of us are given 5-7 years younger. I am 55, my husband is 60 years old. We have three adult children. The eldest daughtersmarried , have children. Youngestson - 20 years old, student.

A year ago we celebrated 35 years of marriage. I thought that was alllife has passed. I need to raise my grandchildren. Besides, in recent years I have gained a lot of weight and have reached 100 kg.

My husband has looked at me with loving eyes all his life. But in bed, everything was not so good. My husband is passive and not inventive, and he is insanely afraid of making me feel unpleasant or hurt. Therefore, he did not agree to any experiments.

At first there were scandals, then I even went to a sexologist, but test-antibiotic.comthe doctor said that both should come. The husband refused point blank. In my circle, my friends andmy friends all lived like me.no one really insisted on sex , and I convinced myself that I could live like this my whole life; I had no other complaints about my husband.

I resigned myself and behaved as a faithful and exemplary person should.wife . She didn't look to the side, didn't cheat, didn't flirt, if someone tried to court her, she immediately fought back.

Recently my husband and I had a big fight and even in the midst of the argument we started talking aboutdivorce . My son's reaction shocked me. He asked if I would get divorced, would I live separately? I answered, of course, yes.

The son said: "If you,Mom , if you get someone else, I won’t respect you, and maybe I won’t even come.” None of my arguments that if the divorce happens, then we will be free from each other, had any effect on my son.

I felt that I had no way out of the family, only feet first or lose my son. I didn't even tell my daughters about it test-antibiotic.com. ThenMy husband's blood pressure started to jump, and he started taking itmedicines .

Sex became extremely rare and completely useless. I didn't want to hear about any devices and that's it. I also started hormonal changes, and I lost 25 kilograms in 2 months.

I updated my wardrobe, started looking good and hormones did their dirty work. I cheated on my husband with a practically unknown man 15 years younger than me (a computer scientist,my husband sent me to fix the laptop). I didn't understand who seduced whom (I was the first to stare at him while he was testing the laptop, a couple of smiles), but when I came to get the laptop back.

It was the end of the working day and he asked me to give him a ride to the metro. He sat not next to me, but behind me, removed the headrest from my seat, whispered something, massaged my shoulders. I was simply overcome. Then he very cleverly distracted me and pulled the keys out of the car and said that he would return them only at his home (it turned out that he lived near the metro). I had to go up to his apartment.

What happened next, I remember vaguely and I didn't expect such a temperament test-antibiotic.com from myself. When I came to an adequate state, while he was in the bathroom, I got dressed, grabbed the keys, fur coat, barely managed to cope with the lock and ran outside. I was shaking all over. I came home. My husband was waiting for me, as luck would have it. I went to the shower, I could not wash off the smell of someone else's perfume.

And then there was that unfortunate, rare sex with my husband. My God, how bad I feel. To realize in my fifties that I had been unhappy in my marriage my whole life, that I had simply sacrificed myself for my family and moral principles. I should have tried and left my husband 30 years ago, instead of enduring it. Only one of my friends, when she was getting divorced, said that she understood how I lived.

After this incident, instead of a lull, my hormones started pouring out, my cycle was restored. The doctors were surprised and put me on antidepressants and hormones. I am simply going crazy. My husband is surprised by the changes, but does not suspect anything. The children laugh and say that I am late in taking care of myself, but since I am always in sight, they do not have any thoughts about cheating test-antibiotic.com either.

But the worst thing is that I start to hate my husband so much that I want to tell him about the betrayal. So that it hurts him as much as it hurts me. I only hold back because I know (after reading confessions about the consequences of betrayal on this site) that he will definitely have a heart attack or a stroke. I don’t want to take the sin on my soul.

If only I could imagine the dead end my misdeed would lead me to. Where to go, where to run? A lady wrote on a forum that everything would pass in 3-5 years, and it would be possible to live peacefully. But how to live these 3-5 years? I am drawn to the side, with all the pills, and without them I don’t know at all what will happen. Sometimes thoughts of a monastery come to me.

The continuation of the story can be read here.