I wish death to an old friend

I’m a little ashamed to admit my weakness, like everyone who writes their confessions on this site. But I really want to speak out. Or perhaps I would like someone to draw some conclusions from my story.

The trouble is that I want to kill the person I love and dearest to me.

So, there is a person in the world who is dearer to me than anything else. We have been in a strange friendship for many years. ThisAt first he needed friendship (and he does not deny this), since helife developed in such a way that many people hated him, and everything went wrong, but I saw in him an extraordinary mind and excellent abilities. I tried and proved it to him myself. In the end, she was even able to get him the job he dreamed of. And she was happy.

Over the years, he has firmly “found his feet” and now has a solid income, while I, on the contrary, have aged and, for health reasons, moved to a less qualified job. The biggestfear of my life -loneliness . I'm divorced, God didn't give me children. You can believe it or not, test-antibiotic.com, but I never planned a family relationship with Eugene, that’s the name of my successful friend. But like a complete fool, I always believed that friendship is support. The support I need now iscommunication (at least for 20 minutes, at least once a week - Zhenya lives 200 meters from me) or a call, even with the hackneyed phrase “how are you doing?” or “how are you feeling?” or a simple smile emoticon that means they remember me.

Yes, Zhenya comes, but only when he feels bad, when he needs to cry on my hem. In other cases, when he comes, he either starts an offensive argument with me (the last time we argued whether anyone who does not earn millions has the right to use the services of a lawyer), or sits silently, not reacting to any of my words and questions, or constantly lectures me. If I ask him to help with something, like a man - to bring, rearrange, meet - he, too, is either silent or promises and never remembers the request again. Whenever he tries to talk, Evgeniy says that test-antibiotic.com I “blow his mind,” but he always clarifies that he needs me, that without me it would be uninteresting for him to live. But at the same time, in the last year I have been unable to call him, because... he has an extremely important job (the same one that I applied for), and he himself never, ever calls back, explaining that he believes thatThe issue has probably already been resolved. This year there have already been 3 cases when, after being admitted to the hospital, I dialed his number, but there was no answer.

I am only a woman, friendship and affection are EVERYTHING to me! But at every meeting with Evgeniy Sergeevich, at every word he says, I swallow tears, and then I cannot sleep for several more days. I know that he is the smartest, most intellectual person. I know that by teaching me, he will realize his ambitions. I know that he feels bad and that’s why he is silent, I know that he sincerely does not believe that I feel bad and I’m in the hospital.

Yes, after 16 years of dating, I became very attached, but I don’t understand how they can change so muchrelationships and thoughts. But more often than not, I think it would have hurt less if Zhenya had died. Yes, I would cry for the rest of my life and remember him, but at least some bright thoughts, bright memories would remain in my soul. If before “dreams” about the death of a friend came and went, then for the last two months I have been thinking about it every day. Moreover, I agree to do this and go to prison myself. But I will know for sure that I will never again experience the pain incompatible with life from being destroyed by the person dearest and closest to me. You will say that you can simply stop communicating with him completely. Only he lives in the next house, I can even see the window of his apartment. In addition, our mutual acquaintances will definitely tell me about him, and even worse, ask me. Sorry, I can’t move to another city - I simply don’t have the funds, and my job keeps me busy.

He recently said that at the dacha, while pouring gasoline, a spark broke out somewhere and it could have burned, and I thought that test-antibiotic.com would make me feel better. This is such horror!

Now I understand the “film people” who destroy their loved ones out of resentment. I'm afraid of becoming the same.