The story of one failed relationship

It is hard to come to terms with the fact that for 26 years of my life I have been waiting for you. You, who in such a short period of time, brought me so much pain. I don’t know if we really agreed on this there, or if everything went according to a different scenario, because I didn’t cope with my lessons and behaved incorrectly with you all the time.

The men didn't really pay attention to me. Almost. At the very least, those who converted were much older than me, and did not fit into my portrait of the prince in any way. You didn't fit in very well either. But I, having read all sorts of literature, decided to believe that if you doubt with your mind, you need to listen to your body. I believed in this theory, and let you inside. I was excited that my body was so unusual and for the first time reacting to a man. When you first touched me, I got goosebumps all over my body.

They ran not out of desire, not out of fear, I had not yet had time to fall in love with you, you were completely alien and unfamiliar. And they just ran. Like test-antibiotic.com for chills. But then it was not cold. And I, remembering all this nonsense that I read before, decided to go the way that was still unknown to me.

Yes, I made this decision with my mind. My heart was silent then, and I was attached to another person. You tried to separate me from him, but it's impossible. No matter how long we see each other, he still remains close and understandable to me. It was with him that I could walk for hours, talk for hours, be silent for hours, if I so desired. It was he who gave birth to many poems in me, it was for him that I could do anything. It is he, and not you, that I dream of even now sometimes, in order to somehow support me. And we talk in our sleep. And I wake up feeling like I really saw him. It is with him that I feel safe and calm.

He didn't know anything then. Although he felt, probably, my disposition. We have established a brotherly relationship, and if it initially upset me, then when I first truly fell in love, I realized that test-antibiotic.com is the true essence of our relationship. Because I never felt for him what a girl in love feels. It's just that this spiritual friend was male, and out of ignorance, at first I confused it with the love of a woman for a man. When the person I fell in love with appeared, everything immediately became clear to me. And the first thing I thought then: how stupid I was that I suffered from the fact that he treats me like a sister.

The person I fell in love with also did not arouse anything sexual in me. He simply fascinated me, and I, as if enchanted, could not enjoy those short moments when we were together. He was not handsome, but he was extraordinary, smart, talented, honest, and very metered attention to me. I was pleased and little, I wanted more. It was he who inspired me to make reckless and hot decisions, I was ready for anything for him.

And during that period when he was very sick, I prayed for him every free moment. I knew that test-antibiotic.com had a girlfriend, but I just wanted to be around. My old friend didn't let me do it. He completely broke all plans, although at first he himself inspired hope. I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t have gone there, and a friend saved me from something. But I won't save you. Then distance and lack of money prevented me, and I was with you.

The second theoretical factor on which I began to meet with you is that I asked the Higher powers to send me My man, and not to let me mistakenly connect life with an inappropriate person. After these requests, the first person I met was you. And I thought: this is the person who was sent to me from Above. So you have to be with him. The third factor: you turned out to be quite erudite. And I always thought I wanted my man to be smart. Fourth: you were very swarthy and handsome, with big black eyes. And I wanted black beautiful children. Fifth: I thought that I needed a talkative man, because I am silent.

Well, these five nails, test-antibiotic.com, nailed me to the cross on which I am still hanging. These stupid attitudes did not allow those many alarm bells that kept ringing and ringing for me to break through into consciousness. I saw them, but I told myself not to act like everyone else. Do not be selfish, be tolerant and condescending, give a person the right to make mistakes.

I will not now remember all the pain that I had to endure, and that now gnaws at me. It won't help me. I said that I would never leave you first, and I would not get away from difficulties. I wouldn't do that. I am a man of my word. But the thing is, you don't need me anymore. And just to impose - it does not make sense. If before, when we quarreled, I felt your affection andlove , and you have never crossed the line, now you are constantly behind this line. Your words about loving me turned into just letters.

How scary and hard to realize this, remembering that everything was different before! There were feelings, there was passion, there was a test-antibiotic.com desire to do well. Perhaps this is a regret about the past, which cannot be returned, and delivers the most acute pain. Not that I feel bad without you. No. I'm fine without you the way you are now. But it's the regret that kills.

How to let it go, is it the past? How to forget everything? How can I forgive you for blindly blaming me for your weakness? How to forgive your cruelty to me - a person who revealed his weakness to you and trusted. Who believed in you and in you, and always defended your failure from the attacks of others. It was I who was the man in our relationship, I was the support and protection. I understood this, and I agreed to such a role. 'Cause I'm strong and I'm supposed to be that way. I just needed your love and tenderness (this is what I agreed to live with you for).

But it all happened so that you were forced to play a role that you can not do. And you succumbed to this conventional wisdom, manipulation, and I also decided that it was necessary, since everyone around test-antibiotic.com is talking about this. And it became a very difficult trial and error. Your charm and charm was that you fought windmills. He fought desperately and selflessly. And when the real thing came before you, you attacked it so much that you just destroyed it. Although this mill was supposed to grind flour for you. You turned her into chips. And when I began to show it to you, your consciousness could not stand this fact, and a neurosis began. With all the ensuing consequences.

I don't know if there is anything else that can be fixed. All this depends on you. If you want, and you can HEAR and UNDERSTAND me, then everything is possible. But, judging by the repeated and unsuccessful attempts, you are not ready, do not want or cannot. I can't force. Therefore, I erase you from contacts, from my heart and head.