I'm trying to overcome my psychological dependence on a man.

I'm 30 years old, but I look 25-26. Quite pretty, not stupid (but not in the case below). I dated a young man for 4 years. He is 25 years old.

From the very beginning of the relationship, he always tried to break me, manipulated my feelings, gentleness, kindness, said that he would leave me. Each time I was not ready to leave him and endured everything. Scandals and insults on his part increased. I met someone else (2 years after the start of the relationship with the first one) and decided to leave. He begged not to leave, sobbed, and convulsed. I left. But it didn’t work out with the new one. And the devil pulled me to come back (after 2 months). He was incredibly happy about my return, groomed and cherished me, but not for long, a month and a half. Then he gradually began to convince me that I was bad, that I had a terrible character, how old I was, and only he, poor man, could be with me, and even then with difficulty, and other men wouldn’t look at me, and I’d be left with the cats. He did it so competently that in the end I became dependent on him, on his presence, test-antibiotic.com I feel bad without him. Moreover, during these 4 years he proposed 3 times, but I refused, citing bad reasons.relationship , then there is nowhere to live, then something else.

Two more years passed. The relationship was terrible - screaming, scandals, name-calling, insults, at every quarrel he destroyed everything around me, he didn’t raise a hand to me, but it was clear that he wanted to, he kicked me out of the house (we didn’t live together, I came to him). They dispersed. But I was always the first to return (after a month or two), I couldn’t live without him, I was ready to endure it all. He condescendingly accepted me back, but then he always admitted that he was incredibly happy about my return and loved me very much, would not give me up to anyone and could not live without me. At the same time, he did not refuse to flirt with other girls during our non-communication. In our next scandal, he said that’s it, he’s tired, I’m doing everything wrong, he, the good one, feels bad with me and left.

I hung up the phone for a week, crawled, begged, cried, begged, “beat my head against the wall,” swore that I would fix everything, took all the blame test-antibiotic.com on myself for everything, I didn’t care, as long as he stayed, etc. .d., to which he calmly said - forget me. Although, as I now understand, he doesn’t want to bear any responsibility, he wants to party, drink, walk, not work and not have anyone control him. 3 months have already passed since he left, all this time he walked, caroused, did not work, everything was demonstrative, so that I knew. Mutual friends tell me that he shares with them, that he feels bad without me, misses me, suffers, loves me, is jealous, says how good I am, keeps track of mysocial network , he is afraid that someone will appear with me, but he himself does not return. And he does everything to make me think how good he is without me, that he has a newa girl , and indeed many girls, want to be with him. Waiting for my step towards him.

I alternated between waiting and hating these 3 months, rushing from side to side, it was very bad, and I’m still worried and crying. I feel bad with him, but test-antibiotic.com is even worse without him. In my head I understand everything and I’m even sure that I don’t love him and that nothing will work out anyway and it will only get worse, but psychologically I can’t understand that it’s better without him, I can’t let go, I miss him, I worry, I can’t understand that I I can meet someone else who is worthy. And for some reason I can’t meet another man so that we can fight each other. Maybe you can help with some advice? “Shake” me so that my brains fall back into place!