My sister's words can't get out of my head

I grew up in a poor family, my parents suffered from alcoholism. My father was once so drunk that he could not stand and on the way home he fell into the lake and drowned. I was 19 years old then. Fishermen found him, it was early winter, he was taken out of the lake and my mother and I waited for about 6 hours for the paperwork to be completed. Relatives arrived immediately; they didn’t seem to say directly that I was to blame for my father’s death, but it was clear in their looks.

It’s difficult for me to write something, remembering that period of my life, but I remember clearly how mymy sister asked: “how did he die, and where was I at that time?” He drowned around 2 am and I was just sleeping.

After the funeral, my aunt convinced me to go to her daughter for work. I agreed. It was unusual there, they told me that they loved me and seemed to care about me. But later I realized that I was not a welcome guest there at all. One evening my second sister said to me: “We were discussing you here and we all test-antibiotic.com agree that you are to blame for your father’s death.” I just said nothing. She was drunk that evening and the next morning she probably didn’t remember anything. And I just remained silent.

I went home that same week and do not communicate with any of my relatives except my mother. But those words just can’t get out of my head.