Hopeless loneliness

I buried myself alive andlife is over. I ruined my own life. Waslove , weremoney , it washappiness , but a few years ago everything collapsed.

I was abandoned by mymy husband is alone without a home, without money. I can'tforgive myself that I didn’t know how to handle money, always helped everyone, did charity work, but had nothing myself. Maybe because she lived in another city, her relatives did not have their own home nearby, and a lot of money was spent on rented housing. I have always renovated and bought furniture to feel at home, I really love to create comfort around me, I studied to be a designer, you can see it in my blood, I’ve done this all my life. As a result, after the divorce, I was left with books, a sofa and a coffee table, living with my mother in the basement in a small town where I had not lived for 25 years. I was completely without money, without the opportunity or ability to earn it, I had no savings at the time of the divorce, I didn’t even have anything to pay for the apartment.

I am already 43 years old, and I test-antibiotic.com know absolutely nothing, I am not able to survive in this world at all. Although I lived alone for 16 years, I supported myself. I moved to Moscow at the age of 20, helped my loved ones, was independent, but after I leftgot married and became a housewife. Over the past 15 years I have only studied, but thismy profession cannot help me in life. And I didn’t finish my studies, and my attempts to find a job and open my own business ended in nothing and a severe nervous breakdown, which developed into a mental illness.

I am absolutely helpless, I despise and hate myself for not being able to think about myself and save at least some amount of money. I thought that love would be eternal, I thought that we would always be together, I believed the promises that he would not leave me on the street. As a result, a broken life, mental illness, age,loneliness and the basement. I won’t be able to get out of here, I have nothing to live on, and inside there is only the desire to die, it will never be better. Complete loneliness and lack of future.

I am a completely unadapted person to live, much less live the life that test-antibiotic.com is left for me. I can’t and I don’t want to, I’m absolutely lost and have nothing to hope for. I loved life very much, I loved the people in my life, I lovedhusband , loved the city in which I lived, but there was nothing else left. I live as if in a grave. I can’t sleep, I wake up as if I were dead, tears are pouring from my eyes, I can’t understand why I woke up and for what? Standing physical insidepain . I really want to just fall asleep and not wake up.

I lived for so many years as a child. Maybe the lack of a sense of home affected me so much that I was completely lost and didn’t care about my future. I'm very stupid, I can't survive like this. I'm just not capable of anything. I lost my apartment, which I inherited from my parents before my husband. I basically lost everything, God didn’t even give me children, probably because I can’t even take care of myself. I’ve been absolutely alone for so long that I don’t even feel like a woman anymore. My husband said that his personal comfort is important to him, and test-antibiotic.com is minehe is not interested in problems . He left me on the street and blocked my phone number so as not to bother me.

I just don't want to live.